#the man

Maybe a decade ago, I started a clash of clans clan. I was good at managing a clan and it began to grow in strength. 

One of the people who joined my clan early was a guy with a bunch of Chinese characters in his name but also at the end, the English letters xxy.  We called him xxy and to this day I regret never taking the time to translate his characters

His village grew fast and he was always online. He donated more troops than anyone in the clan and always followed the clan rules. One rule was never donate goblins.  Another rule was always fill a request before you make a request. If I cam in and there were 3 donation requests up and unfilled I would lose my shit and start kicking people. I want a culture of complete selflessness .

Xxy never talked, but he would share his battles. He was a fucking strategic genius. I just plopped my troops down and each of his were carefully selected, he would have impeccable timing and perfect placement of troops during attack. 

I demanded everyone watch his videos as they were free tutorials on how to be the perfect killing machine. One day I go

"Xxy, why don't you talk, you don’t know English or something?"

He goes

"I don't talk I listen. I kill and I Obey"

I go fuck, you are perfect and immediately promote him to coleader when this happens. He asks my permission to kick players and I tell him.

"Bro you are co leader and you have completely internalized my clan philosophy"

He begins losing his shit when people donate gobs and purging the tribe of losers once a weak. 

He becomes a me. He always called me leader and asked how he could better serve me. I do know that if all Chinese people are like him, we would lose a war to them, no matter how far behind their technology is. 

Anyway long story short, I leave and xxy takes over the tribe. He starts inviting his Chinese friends and it becomes a Chinese tribe. I come back like 3 years later and re join the tribe. He says

"Leader you have returned" and without hesitation makes me leader of the tribe and now I do translate the characters he puts in chat. He told everyone I was now the leader and they would all obey me. I think I fucking cried. Anyway I told him I just returned to see how he was doing. 

This is all online but I think. Man if I showed up in China tomorrow, XXY, probably has an army wai

ting for me to command and if I wanted, me and XXY could fucking take Taiwan with some fishing boats and rifles. 

Now clash of clans has separated the Chinese and American soldiers so I have lost my friend, but he is the greatest Chinese warrior, and I hope the mother fucker never becomes an actual military strategist for China because he was and most likely still is, an unstoppable killing machine.