Corrupt-A-Wish

This is an old fun forum game I'd like to bring back, anyone can play and participate at any time. How it works, is you make a wish, any wish! Then the next person to reply grants it, but corrupts it in some way before making their own wish. We keep it going until we get bored and the thread dies.

EX:

Person 1: I wish for a billion dollars!

Person 2: Granted, but now the IRS is after you because of the sudden suspicious increase of money, and you get thrown in prison. I wish for world peace!

Person 3: Granted, but your the only person left on earth now. I wish for.... 

End EX.

I'll get it started.

This is basically r/monkeyspaw

Anyways..... Granted, but they're all snipes on inactive debaters like me.

Speaking of which, I wish I was more active.

Oh, so this is just a semantic game, in which your wish is fulfilled, but it is deliberately made so it is undesirable?

 

boom

Granted, but the gods of granting wishes change their minds and decide to corrupt the wish anyway. They send you to hell to be tortured for eternity for trying to defy their corruption game.

I wish I was a good mafia player.

ERROR ERROR ERROR

Anyways, granted, but you're only a good mafia player relative to the rest of this site.

You are granting Lunatic's wish, not mine. Also, what is your new statement?

I wish my mafia game to be good.

#NOTSPONSORED

Granted, but what makes a game "good" is subjective. You very much enjoy watching the game, so you think it's good. But all the players in the endgame rage at you for making every one a third party survivor.

I wish I had the pill from limitless.

Granted, but the pill has undergone a process in which any positive effect is nullified.

I wish I could beat Oromagi in a regular, fair debate.

Yea but you only won because of a borderline RFD

I wish I could get int an university of my choice for free

i wish too have telekinesis 

I wish that my wish were uncorruptable

Granted, but you can only use it on pansexual midgets.

i hate u ;p 

For two parents of average height, there is an approximately 1 in 25,000 (0.004%) chance of having a midget child. There is a 0.5% chance of being pansexual. Multiplying the two together, you get 0.002.

This means you get to use your ability on roughly 0.002% of the population.

Those statistical abilities are impressive. However, you are now stuck for all eternity with a bunch of senior citizens who unthinkingly accept anecdotal evidence (unless it disagrees with their set-in-stone opinions) and unthinkingly reject statistical evidence.

That was pretty lame. I wish my jokes were actually funny.

It is a nightmare nonetheless 

Granted but your professors are all transform into gay apes the moment you walk in to your class 

Granted, your jokes are extremely funny. You go on to become a famous comedian and actor, who stars in famous films called "Glubber", and voice act a genie in a cartoon called "Daladin". Your stage name becomes Wobin Rilliams. Your career becomes super succesful, people laugh at your jokes and love you. However life ceases to mean much to you, and you start to view the world through a dark and depressing lens. Jokes seem meaningless, and laughter manufactured. You find yourself frequently wondering what the point of life is, and if your actually making a difference in the world with your slapstick jokes. There are thousands of starving children in the world while you collect big fancy paychecks and contemplate suicide. You turn to drugs to null the pain, but unfortunately become addicted. You struggle with it, and get over it and better for the most part through therapy, and familial support. One day, during a regular doctor visit, you are told the fateful news that you have Lewy Body disease. Some of your mental motor function is effected, and you have symptoms of dementia. The already stacking depression gets to you, and soon your wife Pusan Pschneider finds you dead in your living room in your house in California. RIP Wobin Rilliams. But hey, at least you had some good jokes!

... Too soon?

I wish my humor wasn't so dark.

Nice one on the Robin Williams.

Incidently: http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=abc_classy

As for your wish... It turns into rainbows and puppy dogs, but also strangely morphs reality of whatever you're joking about into the same... Replacing innocent people into short lived rainbows and puppy dogs (no not with cancer, losing mental faculties to be replaced by dogs is already enough!).

Ragnar, make a wish

Ouch.

Granted, but you always get lynched for reasons unknown to you. Just had to respond to this one ;)

I wish for a bagel

I wish I procrastinated less!

Granted, but you life will be taken, as a result you will not procrastinate.

(That just got dark)

I wish to learn everything on the high school curriculum in one day.

Granted, but you learn the high school curriculum for below grade kids. Therefore you learn what you have already learned.

make a wish.

Granted, but his wish is in Elvish, so you can neither read it not translate it, making it impossible to corrupt.

I wish I could shapeshift.