LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Mafia Endgame

Casey - You are Jeff Skilling, the former CEO and COO of Enron! You were an aggressive executive with one eye on the business, and the other eye on its stock price! You hired Andrew Fastow, who later rose to a role as prominent as yours. You both want wealth and power and you want it yesterday! He can do a few things for you.

You are the Steadfast JOAT (“steadfast,” a flavor meaning your abilities cannot be changed). Your abilities are:

1x Rewriter- One per night, per game, you may target another player and hit them with one of  Fastow’s misleading spreadsheets. They will now have a new role (of your choosing, you cannot change their affiliation or make them vanilla, however!), and will have to interpret their character differently.

1x Commuter- Have Fastow take you to one of his offshore properties. You will be immune from all night actions.

1x Morpher- Have Fastow turn another player into a special-purpose vehicle to hide your company’s fraud. You will appear as that player on all investigations that night.

Finally, you are only in it for yourself. You are an Informed Survivor. You win when the town or mimes have achieved their win condition, assuming you are alive at that point. You are informed that the feds (really just another player in this game- Greyparrot) is out to get you.

You are the Steadfast JOAT (“steadfast,” meaning your abilities cannot be changed).

Your abilities are:

1x Roleblocker: Everyone loves aggressive blocking! Except for the guys behind you. Use this once per night, per game to prevent another player’s night action.

1x Car Thief: You could also wreck someone innocent, looking for vengeance. Just ask Matt Kenseth. You may target a player: If they are commuting, they will be left Vulnerable (meaning they cannot be saved by/from any night actions by other players), and you will commute in their place, making you immune from all night actions.

1x Vote Thief: Sometimes, you steal a win with your antics. Here, you can steal a vote. Select a player, and they will lose their vote the next Day Phase, while you will gain a second vote.

You are a Condemner! You win if you are a part of the Casey’s lynch, or their death in the night. Voting for someone who killed Casey will not satisfy this win condition.

Joebob - You are Vladimir Kramnik, the paranoid former world chess champion! You have accused a multitude of top chess players, including Hikaru Nakamura, Jose Martinez, and Denis Lazavik, of cheating in online play. You are a lunatic who is only given credibility by some people because you were once a world chess champion. People also feel the need to go out of their way to debunk your claims, also because of your status.

Personally, I think you are going out of your way to accuse others, because you don’t want Toiletgate to be such a massive part of your legacy.

You are a godfather! When investigated, you will appear innocent. You win with the mimes, a faction that wins when all mimes are lynched.

Whiteflame - You are Machine Gun Kelly, the former rock rapper who switched to pop punk! You felt the need to diss your inspiration, Eminem, for clout. You got destroyed so badly you switched genres, and your career has been slightly worse than it was before the beef… you weren’t all that relevant to begin with.

You are a JOAT! Your abilities are:

1x Stalker- One of the reasons for your beef with is a tweet you made about his daughter, in which you said she was “so fucking hot” …while she was 17. Yuck. Once per night, per game, you may investigate another player to see what power roles they have. 

1x Commuter- You switched genres after getting destroyed by Eminem. You figuratively “left town.” When using this ability, you will leave town, becoming immune from all night actions.

1x Doctor- Despite everything repulsive about you, you are in a relationship with Megan Kelly and expecting a kid. I don’t know how (probably because she’s as crazy as you are), but you actually have other people in your life you need to care for. Use this ability to protect someone else from lethal night actions.

You win with the mimes, a faction that wins when all mimes are lynched.

Lunatic - You are Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL! Since becoming commissioner, a few of the things you’ve done are a bit… questionable, to say the least.

You are a JOAT! Your abilities are:

1x Killjoy- Once per night, per game, you may target another player with a fine for an excessive celebration/taunt, roughing the whatever, or some other minuscule infraction. If that player is a jester, they will be converted to town.

1x Jailkeeper- Some NFL players get involved in some criminal activities, warranting a suspension. This is good, but I’m gonna give you flak for being inconsistent when it comes to stuff like this. You may target a player. That player is protected from lethal night actions and shitty turf fields, but they are prevented from using their night actions.

1x DP Extender- Sometimes, the town just needs a break. But not when there’s a 17th game to be played! When using this ability, you will extend the DP, allowing for an additional lynch to take place that day. This can be used at twilight, or at the beginning of a day phase. If you use this, you will be unable to act the following night.

You win with the town, a faction that wins when they cannot lynch any mimes.

Earth - You are Ibram X. Kendi, the radically progressive author, professor, and “anti”-racist activist! You have made famous statements like “past oppression must be repaid with present oppression,” and “racial discrimination is not inherently racist.” A more humorous one is “it is racist not to have a capital gains tax.” You preach a philosophy of racial revenge under the guise of reparations/progress. Worst of all, you’ve poisoned the minds of many college-age youth with this philosophy.

You are the strengthener! You give philosophical backing to a horrid movement of woke racism, and once per night, you may target a player with this ability. They will be immune to anything that might interfere with their actions.

You win with the town, a faction that wins when they cannot lynch any mimes.

Pie - You are Tom Cruise, the famous actor and… Scientologist?! Yes, your action movies are mostly good, but I have no idea why you got involved with this “church.” You may have a financial stake in your promotion of it as well. You are a certified Hollywood nut.

You are the 2x Affiliation Cop! Once per night, you may investigate a player. Their affiliation will be revealed to you.

You win with the town, a faction that wins when they cannot lynch any mimes.

Owen - You are Bobby Kotick, the disgraced former CEO of Blizzard! You took Overwatch and turned into a disgusting cash crab that is still playable and sometimes fun, but a shell of its former self. You took a look at the game’s massive playerbase, and saw nothing but an opportunity for a shop update under the guise of a PvE sequel with some PvP.

You are the 2x Redirector! Once per night, twice per game, you may pull a bait and switch on someone, directing their actions to someone of your choosing. 

You win with the town, a faction that wins when they cannot lynch any mimes.

Skipper - You are Juggle!’s leadership, the people who own the company that bought the original site, DDO, from its founders, Phil and Crystal. Under your ownership, the site’s golden age continued… until you stopped caring about the site. The site eventually fell into disrepair with numerous bugs, and a dying community. A spambot attack drove the site’s remaining users to join DART, except for a few select users, two of which decided to spend the site’s final years engaging in a years-long, insanely racist flame war. You finally shut down the site a couple of years ago.

You are a vanilla! You have no abilities.

Or at least, that’s what I told you, in your PM. Rumor has it that you only bought DDO to fill out a portfolio. If that’s true, then it’s even worse, since you never cared in the first place. To take a great site with a great community, and treat it as nothing more than a feather in your cap that will need to be thrown out in a few years is shameful.

You are a hidden miller! You don’t know this, but you take one less vote to lynch than usual, and will be found to be guilty/mime on all investigations.

You win with the town, a faction that wins when they cannot lynch any mimes.

Banana - You are Subway, the somewhat healthy sandwich chain! In your prime, you could offer a $5 foot long. You can’t do that anymore. Now, you have many competitors that top you. There was also the whole Jared Fogle thing. That being said, you haven’t done much to bother me other than getting outsmarted by competitors, and not being as healthy as advertised.

You are a vanilla! You have no abilities.

Or at least, that’s what I told you. There are many people that still like to get a foot long every once in a while. I am one of them. I really only picked you because you were the only chain restaurant I could think of that had a falloff.

You are a Hidden Phase Princess! If you ever die, the next phase will be skipped. I’ll still create a thread for your flip if a day phase is skipped, though.

You win with the town, a faction that wins when they cannot lynch any mimes.

I'm gonna do a regular game next time.