how to reconcile 'eternal punishment' with God's love

Author: n8nrgim

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the bible says Jesus said some people will experience eternal punishment. i do still think though that hell can be temporary for some people, or like purgatory. I would think God wouldn't give eternal consequences for temporary misconduct, so I would think eternal punishment is only for those who eternally separate themselves from God. we do have free will, after all. or, if the possibility for eternal life for all is true, there will always be a stain on our lives for how we act, even if we are redeemed, a stain that could still be eternal even though we're saved. 

I also think God loves everyone unconditionally, but that there are natural consequences to our actions. like, you can't just keep eating a bunch of cake and not expect to gain weight. except, the consequences are spiritual when it comes to the ways of God. if you have low vibrations and are sinful, you will experiences low vibrations and consequences to sin, and a less fulfilled life. 
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In the Bible, there are 2 types of eternal punishments:

1) Eternal torment

2) Eternal destruction or second death


2 simply means that some evil people stop existing.

1 means that some evil people will experience some form of eternal torment.
Torment can mean plenty of things. It could be as simple as eternal boredom. It could be the lust for heaven after seeing the riches in heaven, the lust that can never be fullfilled for them.
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if you have low vibrations and are sinful, you will experiences low vibrations and consequences to sin, and a less fulfilled life. 
This sounds like the new age movement which states that all our emotions can be explained by our vital energy vibrating at different frequencies, being the energy at low frequencies corresponding to bad or dense emotions like sadness, hatred, fear, and so on.

According to these new age principles, it's highly recommended to die vibrating at high frequencies which means we should be loving, happy, and thankful just before we die so to come back to the universal consciousness (also called God), otherwise we would keep wooble around as suffering souls.

Having said that, I can go right ahead to heaven if I get really conscious about my bad deeds, no matter how horrible it was, and repent me. In other words if I wake up "spiritually" and vibrate at high frequencies, I can go to heaven.

So, if I was a killer, an abortist, a fornicator, a rapist, a thief, in short, a real mother fvcker, and if I repent for all what I did and feel true love before dying, I go to heaven. It's quite similar to what Christians state but more straightforward and sensical.

What do you believe?
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@IlDiavolo
You hit the nail on the head!  The new-age and Christian world today are very similar.  Love everybody, just have good feelings, don't make waves, etc.  It is very "Hippie".  (Not sure if they had that where you are from.)  The truth is that true Christianity is different than most ways of life.
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@DavidAZ
You hit the nail on the head! The new-age and Christian world today are very similar. Love everybody, just have good feelings, don't make waves, etc. It is very "Hippie". (Not sure if they had that where you are from.) The truth is that true Christianity is different than most ways of life.
Similar output, different means. And it's not hippie, a hippie is a dirty lazy junkie.

New age is honest, it doesn't need to threaten the person with a terrible punishment of eternal fire. Even a shrink can tell that new age is better than the sadistic ways of Christianity.
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@IlDiavolo
New age is honest, it doesn't need to threaten the person with a terrible punishment of eternal fire. Even a shrink can tell that new age is better than the sadistic ways of Christianity.
Of course, one will claim superiority over the other, but like you said, similar output.  
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@Best.Korea
Or.

We just die and decay.

And biblical scribblings are just 2000 year old, manmade BS.
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@zedvictor4
We just die and decay.
That seems kinda unfair to good people who suffered a lot, dont you think?

Besides, wouldnt such view encourage suicides? Its much easier to commit suicide when you know you wont get punished for it in the afterlife.
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@Best.Korea
Unfairness is a data construct.

And innate mechanisms generally incentivise the opposite of self destruction.

And afterlife is wishful thinking.
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@n8nrgim


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n8nrgim,

Addressing your initial post of your thread at your ungodly expense!

YOUR QUOTE OVER RIDING JESUS' TRUE WORDS:  "the bible says Jesus said some people will experience eternal punishment. i do still think though that hell can be temporary for some people."

Just where biblically do you get the authority to supersede Jesus' true words in hell being eternal? "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." (Matthew 25:46)


YOUR QUOTE IN BEING BIBLE STUPID AGAIN: "I would think God wouldn't give eternal consequences for temporary misconduct"

HUH?  THINK!  If Jesus as god didn't give ETERNAL consequences in the depths of Hell, where He didn't create hell and not plan on using it, then the sinner can continue to sin with no consequences, GET IT BIBLE FOOL?


YOUR QUOTE IN SLAPPING JESUS IN THE FACE:   " .... if the possibility for eternal life for all is true,"

WHAT?!  You are questioning Jesus in the fact that "IF"eternal life is true? BLASPHEME! How bible dumb can you get?  Jesus' inspired words are as follows at your embarrassment in front of the membership: "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23)


YOUR CONTINUED BIBLE IGNORANCE AND STUPIDITY QUOTE:  "we do have free will."

WRONG!  Jesus as God controls ALL Christians in every way: 

1.He PREDESTINED us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will,” (Ephesians 1:5)
2. “In him we were also chosen, having been PREDESTINED according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will” (Ephesians 1:11)

What part of the word "PREDESTINED" don't you understand in Jesus as god controlling the Christians life, Bible fool?!


Truthfully, are you out to make yourself more Bible Stupid than Miss Tradesecret, therefore taking over this Religion Forum's notoriety of being the #1 Bible Stupid fool instead of her?

NEXT PSEUDO-CHRISTIAN LIKE "N8NRGIM" THAT UNGODLY USES HIS "OPINIONS" INSTEAD OF JESUS' DIRECT WORDS IN THE BIBLE, WILL BE ...?

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@n8nrgim
I do not find eternal punishment in the bible.

I do find where the bible says we do not have a hell, because none of us are lost to God.

 2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, assome men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that anyshould perish, but that all should come to repentance.

 1 Samuel 15;22Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearkenthan the fat of rams. 1 Timothy 2:4  Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.

Regards
DL
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@n8nrgim
"I also think God loves everyone unconditionally,"

Scriptures have Jesus saying that he would recognize and love his people by their works and deeds.

That negates your view of unconditional love.

Such love should not exist, as then no one would be special to anyone.

Regards
DL

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@BrotherD.Thomas
Did Jesus teach these?

Ezekiel 18:20 The soul thatsinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father,neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of therighteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be uponhim.

Deuteronomy 24:16 (ESV) "Fathers shallnot be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put todeath because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin.

Regards
DL
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@GnosticChristianBishop


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GnosticChristianBishop,

YOUR QUOTE OF BIBLICAL PASSAGES SHOWING THAT THE FATHER DOES NOT BEAR THE INIQUITY OF THE SON, NOR THE INIQUITY OF THE SON TO THE FATHER:  

Ezekiel 18:20 The soul thatsinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father,neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of therighteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be uponhim.

Deuteronomy 24:16 (ESV) "Fathers shallnot be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put todeath because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin.


GOD DAMN IT, QUIT SHOWING THE FACT THAT THE BIBLE CONTRADICTS ITSELF AS SHOWN BELOW TO THE ABOVE PASSAGES, DAMN YOU HEATHEN!!!

1. "The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation." (Numbers 14:18)

2. "You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me," (Deuteronomy 5:9)

3. "Prepare slaughter for his sons because of the guilt of their fathers, lest they rise and possess the earth, and fill the face of the world with cities.”(Isaiah 14:21)

4.  "You show steadfast love to thousands, but you repay the guilt of fathers to their children after them, O great and mighty God, whose name is the Lord of hosts," (Jeremiah 32:18)


May Jesus and I suggest that the next time you post biblical passages, make sure they DON'T CONTRADICT each other, whereas, how can we claim to preach the words of Jesus if they turn into "falsehoods" because both contradicting passages cannot be true at the same time, UNDERSTOOD?  Shhhhhhhhhhhh!

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@DavidAZ
The truth is that true Christianity is different than most ways of life.
How so?
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@ludofl3x
Hey! Don't question my posts.  You know your intellect always trumps mine. :)  Good to hear from you.
How so?
Basically, a true Christian is not supposed to be conformed to this world but rather transformed.  In other words, not follow(imitate) this world's fads, fashions, ideas etc.  Most today's "Christians" are undistinguishable from a "sinner".  They still dress like the world, they still talk like the world, they still allow influence from the world, etc.  They never made a change except they like to bark about salvation and condemn others, but yet still live loose like all the others.

I have heard that the biggest reason for atheism is that a person will claim to know God and then just go back to what they did before they "accepted the Lord".  

It will be rare to find a Christian in politics.  Never in the Hollywood field.  Not in professional sports.  Never to be in public lime light on purpose.  This world is not our home and we do not find peace here.  We are to occupy until the Lord comes, but we are warned about surfeiting too.  So when the "Christian" movement teams up with other religions and other political movements, it really is just another worldly group disguising themselves as such.

In regards to politics, I am a patriot, but that only comes second to being a Christian.
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@DavidAZ
Good to see you active here my friend! And no it doesn't, don't be so humble. 

a true Christian is not supposed to be conformed to this world but rather transformed.  In other words, not follow(imitate) this world's fads, fashions, ideas etc.  Most today's "Christians" are undistinguishable from a "sinner".  They still dress like the world, they still talk like the world, they still allow influence from the world, etc.  They never made a change except they like to bark about salvation and condemn others, but yet still live loose like all the others.
There's a lot of the use of the word "they" here, which I take it is to distinguish some other group from you, is that accurate? If so, can you describe how, in practical terms, you adhere to these "true Christian" tenets? In other words, what sort of fad or fashion or idea is it that you specifically reject? I hope it's skinny jeans on men and mom jeans on women, for there we will find common ground. How do you eliminate influence from the world in your life? It seems pretty hard...

I have heard that the biggest reason for atheism is that a person will claim to know God and then just go back to what they did before they "accepted the Lord".  
An interesting assertion. From whom have you heard this? The reason for mine has nothing to do with any Christians or how they behave, it's much less judge-y than that. Don't get me wrong, NOW I totally judge those people as hypocrites :-), but that's separate from my lack of belief in any god. This sounds more like a reason that a certain Christian might decide to leave their specific denomination or church for something more stringent. 

when the "Christian" movement teams up with other religions and other political movements, it really is just another worldly group disguising themselves as such.
Well spotted! I'd add that it's extra cynical in political movements to co-opt religious virtue, because you're taking advantage of a person's core beliefs in a way that is disingenuous, and adding a religious bent to any political position effectively allows you to discriminate against others with a holy sanctification to hold up bigotry (not necessarily cross burning bigotry, but something that might seem innocuous). 
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@ludofl3x
There's a lot of the use of the word "they" here, which I take it is to distinguish some other group from you, is that accurate?
I seem to do that a lot, use the "they" loosely, but yes, other groups than besides who I hang out with.  So mainly denominal churches, I.E. catholic, Baptist, presbyterian, non-denominational (basically Baptists) and so on.  Typically it is organized Christianity.  I do go to a church here but we stay out of everything like I mentioned in my last post.

If so, can you describe how, in practical terms, you adhere to these "true Christian" tenets? In other words, what sort of fad or fashion or idea is it that you specifically reject? I hope it's skinny jeans on men and mom jeans on women, for there we will find common ground. How do you eliminate influence from the world in your life? It seems pretty hard...

Sure, I'll try.  Some may not make sense, but it's our way.  So fads would be, like you said, skinny jeans, outrageous hairdos, facial hair, certain dress styles.  I have been told that I look like someone from the 50's. I know that the 50's had their styles also, but the biggest thing we are looking for in dress standard is modesty.  We don't listen to music like Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, Guns & Roses, Aerosmith, Michael Jackson, etc.  We don't own a TV and I do not have internet in my home (I'm actually using my work computer right now).  We don't follow professional sports and put very little emphasis on public figures of our day.

So the idea is to limit the world's influence on us so we can focus on the things of God, such as church, family, friends, hard work and the such like.  This limited influence also keeps my mind off of things that are not worth thinking about, adulty, envy, strife, depression etc.

An interesting assertion. From whom have you heard this?
Just in passing and it would make sense to me for someone to claim to be good, acting like a dirty fool.  It would definitely show me that there is nothing supernatural in Christianity.  It would just be a bunch of egotistical loons.

I actually just looked it up: "The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."  - Brennan Manning

Didn't know it was a quote somewhere.
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@DavidAZ
I do not have internet in my home (I'm actually using my work computer right now).
Well, I'll count myself lucky for the conversation we're currently having, because it seems like you're doing it at risk of your immortal soul :-). That's kind of tongue in cheek, but seriously, if that's what you believe, that exposing yourself to the outside world via vehicles like the internet is deleterious to your eternal fate, then I have to ask, why are you doing it? Isn't being here in the first place risking you thinking about all the secular stuff you're not supposed to? 

Do you ever wonder why, if these things are so bad for you, the god you believe in made them so pervasive and easily accessible? That's an honest question. 

I'm not sure I'd accept Brennan Manning (a laicized priest and a self identified Christian from my very cursory google research) as the authority on why atheists are atheists. Honestly, I've never spoken to or heard from another atheist that they don't believe in gods because of how someone else behaved. I'm not saying it's not possible, I just think that sounds like more a reason to leave a church or THE church, rather than a reason to reject god in general. I think maybe he's cramming a lot of leaps into a pithy sentence, like instead of saying the whole alphabet, he's saying A B Y Z, which leaves out quite a bit. Sure, if you leave a church, you're doing so because it's not fulfilling some need you have, which might eventually lead to you questioning things, but usually those people go into that "I'm not religious but I am a believer in God" phase, which pupates into "I'm not really a believer in god, but I'm a spiritual person" which can, but does not always, lead to "I don't believe in god." That last leap was the hardest for me to make, for what it's worth. 
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@ludofl3x
Well, I'll count myself lucky for the conversation we're currently having, because it seems like you're doing it at risk of your immortal soul :-). That's kind of tongue in cheek, but seriously, if that's what you believe, that exposing yourself to the outside world via vehicles like the internet is deleterious to your eternal fate, then I have to ask, why are you doing it? Isn't being here in the first place risking you thinking about all the secular stuff you're not supposed to? 
Lol!  I get what you are saying, but discourse about a subject and Hollywood entertainment are different.  Keep in mind my abilities to regulate myself.  
Just because there is stuff I'm not supposed to be doing doesn't mean I don't need a deeper grasp of what and why I do/don't things.  You have actually helped me see some things different in previous discussions and that is why I am here (specifically on this site).  The reason we are so careful/extreme with influences is that it can plant a seed and grow into something that can hurt others.

Do you ever wonder why, if these things are so bad for you, the god you believe in made them so pervasive and easily accessible? That's an honest question. 
I personally believe that man has sought out new inventions and devices.  So the idea that God made them is not the case.  We are given the ability to choose, whether it's something big like God or who we will marry, to something insignificant, like eating a ham sandwich for lunch instead of pizza, and everything else in between.  The Bible does state that in every tempting situation that God makes a way of escape, meaning we are not overcome by the bombardment of temptation.   Just the age old good over evil scenario.

In all this, don't think that I am an angel, nor think that I think I am an angel.  I know I am a bad person, due to the understanding of knowing what I am capable of and that I need help and a group of others who want the same like me.  I would think a good person would have good thoughts all the time and not have to struggle with what runs through my brain sometimes.

I'm not sure I'd accept Brennan Manning (a laicized priest and a self identified Christian from my very cursory google research) as the authority on why atheists are atheists. Honestly, I've never spoken to or heard from another atheist that they don't believe in gods because of how someone else behaved. I'm not saying it's not possible, I just think that sounds like more a reason to leave a church or THE church, rather than a reason to reject god in general. I think maybe he's cramming a lot of leaps into a pithy sentence, like instead of saying the whole alphabet, he's saying A B Y Z, which leaves out quite a bit. Sure, if you leave a church, you're doing so because it's not fulfilling some need you have, which might eventually lead to you questioning things, but usually those people go into that "I'm not religious but I am a believer in God" phase, which pupates into "I'm not really a believer in god, but I'm a spiritual person" which can, but does not always, lead to "I don't believe in god." That last leap was the hardest for me to make, for what it's worth. 
You are probably right about other Christians will leave the faith rather than atheists stay away from it.  I know that it would turn me off.

Why was that last leap hardest for you?  Can you explain?
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@DavidAZ
 The reason we are so careful/extreme with influences is that it can plant a seed and grow into something that can hurt others.
You're an interesting cat, David, always appreciate a civil interaction, I can't overstate it. 

As to the above, is this really why you think you've been taught that these influences can grow into something that hurts others? You said prior to this that you have some ability to regulate yourself, so you sort of select what or when to ignore these prohibitions. What, do you think, keeps a person like me from hurting others, given that my entire worldview is secular, open to all sorts of outside influences, seeking out new ideas and so on? I don't think I have any special power of self control (far from it, on occasion, I'm afraid). I think I just usually bristle when I hear that some larger organization is prohibiting members from interacting with the wider world, because I think those sorts of rules are there to protect the larger entity, rather than the individual. 

I personally believe that man has sought out new inventions and devices.  So the idea that God made them is not the case. 
So, this is consistent with a 'deus otiosus,' a god that created everything and then kind of retired to watch what happens. I do not believe this is the god you follow, I think you told me that you believe in the omniscient god, a god that knows everything for all time. If this is the case, as we discussed, such a god is incompatible with free will as it's traditionally understood, because he literally cannot be surprised by any outcome. I agree with BOTH of these sentences (obviously for a different reason). If you believe in a god that has a plan for each and every individual on earth, then I'm afraid I don't see how god isn't ultimately responsible for all inventions, from the James Webb Telescope to nuclear warheads. It seems pretty messed up to me, under those circumstances, to consider man (god's most beloved creation, as I understand it) interacting with stuff god made so harmful that you're not supposed to do it. But then, we're talking about the same character who planted the tree that caused all the problems in the first place :). 

I know I am a bad person, due to the understanding of knowing what I am capable of and that I need help and a group of others who want the same like me.  I would think a good person would have good thoughts all the time and not have to struggle with what runs through my brain sometimes.
This one's troubling for me, but I don't know "what you're capable of" or the things you struggle with mentally. Maybe they're real problems, and I don't want to be glib about them if so. Let me say that in general, this "I know I'm a bad person" mentality is one of the things that led me out of my own faith. I'm not. I doubt you are, either. The fact that you STRUGGLE with what you think is bad, is an indicator that you're good. People who are bad don't struggle with being bad. They just do it. And again, unless you believe in a god with no plan, no vision for the future, anyone we consider 'bad', they're just doing what they were made to do. 

Why was that last leap hardest for you?  Can you explain?
Big question! I grew up in a traditional Italian American Catholic family, so to realize I didn't believe any of it was upsetting at first personally, then I realized I was going to end up disappointing my family. Worse, I was going to make my mom and dad and grandparents all think they did something wrong with me, that they would lose me and I would go to hell, I mean you can imagine all the ways a person can spiral down paths like that. That's a lot for a person to carry, but as it turned out, all that was only temporary, and they learned I'm still the exact same person they loved and raised, I'm still a good person, I'm not out there raping and pillaging because I don't think there's a punishment for doing so or a reward for NOT doing so. And as I was realizing it, I had to recognize a lot of hard results that would come after, like the idea that I will just eventually no longer exist, which means that I'll never be reunited with those that I loved, those that loved me, and eventually I'll be lost to history like everyone else. That was really difficult to adjust to, but now, I find it the most profoundly inspiring and liberating notion you can imagine. And not because I "just wanna sin!" (which I've seen atheists accused of by Christians, not saying you're accusing me as such). More if you like on the topic, but I don't want to bore you with my own stories.
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@BrotherD.Thomas
"contradicting passages"

You are talking contradictions while I am talking morals.

Is the messianic concept moral to you, given what Jesus taught?

Regards
DL
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@ludofl3x
As to the above, is this really why you think you've been taught that these influences can grow into something that hurts others?
We, as in humankind, have a tendency to not see what our actions do.  We interact with others and our actions with others will affect them one way or another.  Now, I do not believe that most people want to purposely hurt other people.  I think we all are trying to live in relative harmony with others.  So, take your marriage for example.  You have the fullest intent on keeping that marriage safe, prosperous, loving, etc.  Nobody goes into a marriage thinking how much they can hurt or destroy the other person, BUT we have paradigms or doctrines that will shape the way of we think is good.  For example, my mother left my brothers and I to live with my dad when I was 8 and I never lived with another woman figure until I got married.   So my understanding of how a woman operated and thought was really given by the boys in school and that usually from movies they had seen and porn sites.  I also resented my mother for abandoning us, so the woman figure in my mind was tainted.  So, fast forward to my adult years and getting married to my wife and I love this woman to death.  She is my only.  She is my everything.  BUT I couldn't treat her with the love and respect that she deserved because the way I thought about a woman had stunted my abilities to fully love.  So, the way we perceive our word will shape how we treat others.  If we ingest the lies from Hollywood or Andrew Tate, we will refuse the Biblical way of loving our wives and try to follow (although unknowingly) the ways of the world.

I think I just usually bristle when I hear that some larger organization is prohibiting members from interacting with the wider world, because I think those sorts of rules are there to protect the larger entity, rather than the individual. 
I know what you mean, but there has to be standard across the board or else there would be no standard really.  We are part of a club, so to speak, so we wear the "uniform".

So, this is consistent with a 'deus otiosus,' . . .
I have taken a lot of consideration in our last conversation and I cannot explain what the mind of God is with all of this.  I wish I could so it would make sense in my mind. Frustration seems to be par for the course when trying to understand this aspect.  It is apparent, to me anyways, that God created all things and, like you said, humans are his highest creation and the apple of his eye.  Why the lack of intervention in everyday struggles or calamity?  Why not stop the killer before he kills the innocent or the crack whore before she dumps her baby in a trash bin?  I don't believe God condones the evil, but it almost seems he doesn't care about it either.  Maybe it will all be determined at the end.  This does grate on my mind.

 People who are bad don't struggle with being bad. They just do it.
I suppose that is the defining factor.  Thanks for that.

And as for mental struggles, it's not psychotics or anything, just a daily grind on my self worth.  I have been told many times that I beat myself up, but I cannot bring myself to the point to say that I am "good" or other such terms. 

For someone to be so full of themselves and never see themselves for what they really are is revolting in my mind.

More if you like on the topic, but I don't want to bore you with my own stories.
Actually, I would like to hear more if you have time.  I enjoy stories.
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Actually, I would like to hear more if you have time.  I enjoy stories.
Glad to share, anything specific you're curious about I'm happy to answer.

And as for mental struggles, it's not psychotics or anything, just a daily grind on my self worth.  I have been told many times that I beat myself up, but I cannot bring myself to the point to say that I am "good" or other such terms. 

For someone to be so full of themselves and never see themselves for what they really are is revolting in my mind.
This is what I was kind of hoping for, that you're not talking about like serious medical issues. Does the last sentence connect in the first part, such that you think ALL people are inherently "bad" people who struggle against their baser desires and instincts to varying degrees? I really don't know enough about you to say you're a good or a bad person, but my guess is you're right around the average, like most of us. We all have moments we're not proud of, I do all the time, but we also have the ability to really do good things, on a small scale, with almost no effort or cost to us at all. I bet, for example, you hold the door for an elderly person, or donate time or money to charity. 

I don't believe God condones the evil, but it almost seems he doesn't care about it either.
Ever thought about what's commonly called "the problem of evil"? Sometimes called the problem of suffering.  

there has to be standard across the board or else there would be no standard really.  We are part of a club, so to speak, so we wear the "uniform".
For me this is kind of the core appeal of all organized, even loosely organized, religion. It co-opts our social nature with a number of other factors we've evolved and bang, you're in "the club." I went backwards here because I think this is really interesting: and frankly both insightful and self aware:

We, as in humankind, have a tendency to not see what our actions do.  We interact with others and our actions with others will affect them one way or another.  Now, I do not believe that most people want to purposely hurt other people.  I think we all are trying to live in relative harmony with others.  So, take your marriage for example.  You have the fullest intent on keeping that marriage safe, prosperous, loving, etc.  Nobody goes into a marriage thinking how much they can hurt or destroy the other person, BUT we have paradigms or doctrines that will shape the way of we think is good.  For example, my mother left my brothers and I to live with my dad when I was 8 and I never lived with another woman figure until I got married.   So my understanding of how a woman operated and thought was really given by the boys in school and that usually from movies they had seen and porn sites.  I also resented my mother for abandoning us, so the woman figure in my mind was tainted.  So, fast forward to my adult years and getting married to my wife and I love this woman to death.  She is my only.  She is my everything.  BUT I couldn't treat her with the love and respect that she deserved because the way I thought about a woman had stunted my abilities to fully love.  So, the way we perceive our word will shape how we treat others.  If we ingest the lies from Hollywood or Andrew Tate, we will refuse the Biblical way of loving our wives and try to follow (although unknowingly) the ways of the world
Your observations are largely very sensible, your struggles are genuine and totally understandable! But as written, they do not in any way require the bible, Andrew Tate or whatever "Hollywood" means to be so. I would bet if you removed the bible entirely, you'd still try to love your wife the best you can. That's what I do. It's not always as easy as I wished it were, it's not a hollywood movie, I watch a lot of those, but it's 25 years now. 18 of them as an atheist. 

I put scare quotes around Hollywood because there's a lot of hidden stuff in there that I'm not going to accuse you of, but more so that you understand how I hear that when you say it. Some people mean "jews" when they say it. Some people mean "gays." Some people mean "fairy tale stories." I'm going to assume you mean the last one, you seem reasonable enough! 

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Glad to share, anything specific you're curious about I'm happy to answer.
At what age and with what issues did you catholic decline start?

This is what I was kind of hoping for, that you're not talking about like serious medical issues. Does the last sentence connect in the first part, such that you think ALL people are inherently "bad" people who struggle against their baser desires and instincts to varying degrees? I really don't know enough about you to say you're a good or a bad person, but my guess is you're right around the average, like most of us. We all have moments we're not proud of, I do all the time, but we also have the ability to really do good things, on a small scale, with almost no effort or cost to us at all. I bet, for example, you hold the door for an elderly person, or donate time or money to charity.
I do try to help where I can, hold doors, help carry stuff for others, donate, help people move, take on young men who have no father figure, stuff like that.  I guess that it's my selfish desires that will get me into more trouble than anything else.

But as written, they do not in any way require the bible, Andrew Tate or whatever "Hollywood" means to be so. I would bet if you removed the bible entirely, you'd still try to love your wife the best you can.
I absolutely believe that all husbands will try to love their wife in their best abilities regardless if they are Islamic, Christian, atheist  or otherwise.  I'm just saying that if your mind is tainted with fantasies or bad information, you will treat your wife with less than par love.  Woman work all the same regardless of race or religion, so the way to love them has to be true and someone like Andrew Tate who treats them like whores or something like Hollywood that can create the fairy tale or something like porn that crates the sexual fantasy, just doesn't fit within a marriage.

BTW, Congrats on 25 years!!  My hat is off to you.

I put scare quotes around Hollywood because there's a lot of hidden stuff in there that I'm not going to accuse you of, but more so that you understand how I hear that when you say it. Some people mean "jews" when they say it. Some people mean "gays." Some people mean "fairy tale stories." I'm going to assume you mean the last one, you seem reasonable enough! 
Thanks for pointing this out.  I didn't think that there could be so many connotations with that.  I do mean the fairy-tale, romance novel type of Hollywood.  
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At what age and with what issues did you catholic decline start?
At around 13, when I was in confirmation class. I can't say there was a single "issue" that started me down the road, rather it was like a loose thread on an old sweater. The one that sticks out the most is that when I asked a lay person instructor what happened after death to my jewish friends, their answer was "well, to get into heaven you have to love Jesus and follow Catholic rules, so..." My jewish friend wasn't Catholic, but other than that, he seemed okay to me! Why should he be in a pit of fire forever over something he had no control over? thought a young Ludofl3x. And thus, the first tug, and it unraveled over a long time. I even tried to be "saved" at one point (because I was working for a couple of really devout Christians who were super nice to me, but would always be talking about their faith, not in a nefarious way), but that was even worse (they said my parents would go to hell because they're Catholic, and I should try to convert them to save them...I was 15). I still tried to wear the sweater, raggedy though it was, until we had our first child, and I got to listen firsthand to what priests were teaching her during first communion classes. 

 I'm just saying that if your mind is tainted with fantasies or bad information, you will treat your wife with less than par love.
My point exactly :). 
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Ever thought about what's commonly called "the problem of evil"? Sometimes called the problem of suffering.
I accidently skipped this.  What is the "problem of evil"?

I got to listen firsthand to what priests were teaching her during first communion classes.
Please expound.



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because I was working for a couple of really devout Christians who were super nice to me
Curious if you knew their denomination of Christianity.

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Why did God use quantum bits to build the Universe?
The only explanation is that God controls the Universe from his Quantum Computer
Elon Musk is right; the Universe is a simulation.
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I accidently skipped this.  What is the "problem of evil"?

It probes the three "omni" qualities of god: Omniscience (knows all), omnipotent (all powerful) and omnibenevolent (all good). Euripides, I believe. 

Does god know about evil? If not, then he is not omniscient.
If he knows about evil, can god prevent evil? If not, then he is not omnipotent.
Can god prevent evil, but chooses not to? Then he is malevolent.

There are responses and apologetics for it from many different schools of thought, but that's certainly something to chew on. 

I got to listen firsthand to what priests were teaching her during first communion classes.
Please expound.
I guess I forgot or didn't absorb what it was that was being taught when I was little, but the priest was insistent that the words turned the crackers into REAL FLESH of a 2000 year old person, and the wine into REAL BLOOD of a 2000 year old person, and that somehow drinking and eating it wasn't symbolic, it was literal magic. That god was always watching, he used the term "like a sky daddy," which just felt wrong as hell. That without it, you definitely go to hell, and that a 7 year old had to go confess sins...it was disturbing, I had like a visceral reaction to it, and at the time I was still a practicing semi-believer. 

Curious if you knew their denomination of Christianity.
Afraid I don't, I think I kind of lump all of those evangelical denominations into very few buckets (I don't believe all evangelicals are Westboro Baptists,or handle snakes, for example, but beyond that stuff there's not a lot of distinction for me).