Education For Bullies

Author: ethang5

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#31
whatthef
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@disgusted
Aww, how sweet of you! You really shouldn't have.

Why? Cause it not my b-day! And you got my age wrong. But I will forgive you this time around… ;)

But thank you for the thoughtfulness of asking… 
But the answer is NO. 

What kind a gift  would you want you little 7 year old boy?



#32
disgusted
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@whatthef
No 2nd prizes numpty.
#33
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@disgusted
What you want a hot wheel toy car. Well, ok that is reasonable, Little boy... :)

167 days later

#34
Christen
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I can relate to this.

It's a combination of several different factors at work (not necessarily all of them):

  • Learning things the hard way
  • Fixation/Obsession
  • Repeating scenarios to find catharsis
  • Obliviousness
Learning Things The Hard Way
Most people have to learn things for themselves, rather than following instruction. This especially is the case for emotionally involved situations (such as love), but can apply in any situation. For a neurocognitive basis for this, some people are predominantly No-Go learners, whereas others are Go learners; this predisposition is genetic, and affects dopamine expression in the reward centers of the brain.

No-Go learners respond best to negative consequences; Go learners respond best to positive outcomes. Someone who always learns the hard way might be a No-Go Learner.
Do keep in mind that a person does not necessarily have to be either a pure go learner or a no-go learner. They could also be somewhere in the middle, which is where I see myself. Sometimes, I've had to learn the hard way, and other times it was better to learn the easy way. It's like a spectrum. On one side, you have the go learners. On the opposite side, you have the no-go learners, and then you can have that middle ground. You could also be leaning slightly towards one side or the other on the spectrum, but not completely towards it.

Fixation/Obsession
Nothing will make you keep hitting your head against a brick wall like being fixated/obsessed by someone/something. It'll encourage tunnel vision, and make you lose sight of the big picture and get lost in the details.
We humans tend to focus on negative stuff more than we do positive stuff. If a young child is complemented 99 times, but harshly insulted once, that child will likely focus more on that 1 negative comment and can feel put down, even though they were praised 99% of the time.
Here's an old article from 2003 that talks about this. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias

Repeating Scenarios To Find Catharsis
People have a tendency to repeat traumatic events in their lives so that they can change the outcome of that experience - or at least process it. This may cause someone to keep acting out seemingly strange behaviors, which lead to a negative conclusion - until they can break the cycle (or find a safe way to discharge the emotional payload and process it).

This is particularly common in people who have PTSD and may be tied to specific circumstances, or anniversaries of events - even if they're not consciously aware of the connection.
The greatest example of this that I can think of is shown in an anime called The Legend Of Korra. In this show, Korra, a girl with the power to control air, water, earth, and fire, endures a traumatic event where she is kidnapped, and barely survived a lethal dosage of mercury. Because of this, she has to struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder, and this limits her abilities, as she can't seem to let go of the past and move on. So she visits Zaheer, the man responsible for trying to poison her, and, as you've said, repeats this traumatic event in her life so that she can change the outcome of that experience or at least process it. It's obvious that the writers of this show wanted to give their audience a character that they could relate to. The scene can be watched here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3dTCSrfXFY

Obliviousness
Maybe they're just not paying attention to what they need to be to help them? You should probably give them a nudge in the right direction.

Ahem.
This is tricky, because you don't always know what constitutes "the right direction." In your attempt to help that person, you could end up actually hurting them. This is a risk I am personally not willing to take, so I often just let people decide for themselves what they should do without my influence.

306 days later

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#35
ethang5
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@Christen
I always know the right direction.

But bullies and trolls self-destruct on their own. I just nudge them to make the process faster.

Look at this thread, where are disgusted and goldtop?

Thanks for the link "The Legend Of Korra" it isn't what I would usually watch, but I watched with what you said in mind and enjoyed it.