☆< IMPORTANT REMINDER > ☆ For those attending church today.

Author: Deb-8-a-bull

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#121
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@Deb-8-a-bull
Just like me Deb.

Especially as my Dad was a fundamentalist atheist.

Sunday school was, getting the kids from under their feet for a few hours.

One can only guess why.

Not sure about fingers, but I guess so.

Anyway, they used to talk about Jesussy stuff and I would draw aeroplanes.

And for sure, big church was a no no.

Loved the churchyard though, many hours of fun playing there.

That must be why GOD designed grave stones.

And when we were big enough, we would  give the bell a ring.

Halcyon days.

Though I was never introduced to the artistic potential of potatoes and sponges.

And Santa hadn't invented BMX back then.

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#122
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@Stephen
Ok, sounds reasonable. 
So i did the maths

Breakfast then was 73cents ,   ( 80 cents max )

Butttt

Dad gave me $2 bux  ( 200 cents for the plate. ) 

Let me quickly  run them numbers now. 

And carry the three. 

Thats  - 120 cents.   

Wich   equals .  
MY PARENTS PAID .   one buck twenty to be without me for four hours.  
WTF ? 

Hang on a minute.  
That can't be right.   Let me run these numbers once again. 
80 cent saving for breakfast 
200 cents for jesus.   
So Thats
Well ill be.  It is. 
-120 worse off 

They actually  paid people to come pick me up in a bus and take me away. 


So um yeah .....
It wasn't for the money they saved on breakfast 

And a big thank you to you Stephen for your suggestion.  

fukin bastard. 
HeHe.
#123
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@Deb-8-a-bull
Hang on a minute.  
That can't be right.   Let me run these numbers once again. 
80 cent saving for breakfast 
200 cents for jesus.   
So Thats
Well ill be.  It is. 
-120 worse off 

I think your parents were extremely savvy. They got a bargain , Deb. That has to be the cheapest baby-sitting rates I have ever heard of.. + potato

Sponge painting. And potatoes painting.

And did you get to take home the used potato? Yes? Then stop complaining, at least you walked away with something for dinner.




So um yeah .....
It wasn't for the money they saved on breakfast 

Like is said; savvy parenting, Deb

And a big thank you to you Stephen for your suggestion.  

fukin bastard. 
HeHe.

Anytime, Deb.😊
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#124
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@zedvictor4
I sense  I will be you when i grow up.. but just 27.4%  as smart.   

▪○°•○°•▪○°•▪○°•▪○°•▪●••

I remember a  ( Sunday school is over )  song we used to sing at the end class . 
And it was there i heard about the great man himself ,  NOAH. 

Back then , i thought  The story of Noah and his arc was like Ali barbar
I loved  getting read stuff. 

Soooooo
Sunday school was for kids....  and allllll the kids were told stories and sung songs together. 
This i liked.   But i wasn't dumb.  
See I knew full well that ( Church. )   , thats " adult church " ..... was nothing at all like sunday school.   
I mean, surly  they wouldn't do story telling and sing song in the " adults " church. 
So i got out. 
And besides,  i can't stand the sight of blood. 
Again back to me not being so dumb . 
I knew They sacrifice a dozen or so super cute and cuddly , friendly  farm animals every service in just about every adult church
I didn't want to see that. 

If the christians stopped killing animals during there service I'd probably attend, 
but until then. 


Good day. 

 
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#125
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Church.
What do ya reckon they are doing in there  ????


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#126
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Cameras in churches. 

At least Two things enters ones mind when one thinks. 
Cameras in churches.  
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#127
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Also.
 
I cant picture a parstor / priest read a sermon from a computer device. 
Or do they these days? 

Hey imagine a priest / pastor deleating there search history. 

I've a feeling they would be good at remembering to clear data browser . 
I don't know why. 
#128
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@Deb-8-a-bull
Nope.

I've peeped.

And it is all hats and Sunday best and tall stories.

Though the storyteller tries to be a tad more serious in big church, with a lot more references to sin, and a lot less tales of big boats and fish suppers.

Never saw any actual sacrificial calves or lambs.

Or blood.

But anyone that saw through the theo-political infant brainwashing, was a smart cookie in my book.


And for sure, any smart church has certainly got it's finger on the technological pulse. 
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#129
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@zedvictor4
Deb 28  :  13    And he once did  tooketh the moneys from the plate. And gave it to my sister for some reason.  

My sister still occasionally  brings up me stealing church moneys.   She chuckles.  

I can think of some pretty  bad sins,  like ya basic rapes and murders and eating kids butttttt ,,,, 
If i know the christian god like i think i do 
I'd say stealing cash out of a church bowl makes them sins seem somewhat petty.  

It may very well be .   
▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●       THE ULTIMATE SIN        ▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○● •▪○●•°   . (  Stealing from Jesus...)  

You can Picture god being petty darn  " angry " at someone for killing a couple of kids.

Now picture gods " anger " at someone for taking cash from him. 
Im talking like $8 bux 
That 800 cents , or more commonly known as  80000000000000000000 God coins. 


I reckon God didn't see me steal it.  
Not unless he is like a magician and can watch everyone  at once. 
 And take notes.  Thats nonsense.  
 
#130
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@Deb-8-a-bull
It may very well be .   
▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●       THE ULTIMATE SIN        ▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○●°•▪○● •▪○●•°   . (  Stealing from Jesus...)

You did nothing less than Judas( a disciple of the lord  no less) often did and no one seemed to bat an eyelid . It was only when Judas double-crossed  Jesus that decided to throw it into scripture.


"This he [Judas] said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the[money] bag, and  took what was put therein".

I replied to your last post here Deb.#123

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#131
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Picture  jesus hearing the diffrent loudness of getting sung at. 

Through the week he hears something that resembles singing ,  then comes sunday. 
Jesus knows when the Sabbath comes round. The sound of alllllll you guys singing at once is " quite overwhelming "  but he loves it. 
Oh does he love it. 

Then this whole corana vir happened.
For weeks slash months jesus went songless.   
He was even able to have his first sunday sleep in. 
Weeks pass. 
No singing after no singing occurred,  and jesus starts getting use to it.   He sleeps in another sunday then another. 

Look guys what i am trying to say hear is. 
JESUS IS COOL IF YOU GUYS DONT WANT TO SING TO HIM ANYMORE. 
AND as from the 16 of January 2023 .
Singing to jesus does not add any points to ones   HAPS   ( heaven access points score ) 
But please feel free to continue.  

Picture jesus " not liking " the singing you guys do for him. 
But jesus being jesus won't come out and straight up say ' STOP SINGING AT ME '
I cant.

I can
Picture jesus getting group sung at swaying side to side real real slow like whilst rubbing and pinching his six nipples spitting on himself. 

To far hey?

Ok. Im in the sin bin for 15 mins. 
Time startssssssssss .
Now.  

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#132
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Sing at me bitch. 
I said sing at me. 
mmmmmm yeah, real fucking cute like 
#133
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@Deb-8-a-bull
I reckon God didn't see me steal it.

Shit Deb.

This guy's omni for f**ks sake.

It's eternity in the wilderness for you buddy.


Your sister will be OK if she's still pure, if you get my drift....Any chance?

Because we know for certain that the big fella goes a bundle on purity.

Well only female purity as far as I know.

Not sure about all the other millions of genders kicking about these days.

Though for sure, Catholics go a bundle on choir boys.....Not really sure how that works out on judgement day either.

So you might be kicking about the wilderness with assorted dictators, other ne'er do wells and defrocked Fathers.....And all the rest who failed the test.

Most folk really.

Because heaven only fits 144000, or so I'm told.

Whereas infinite wilderness fits an infinite number of sinners.

Crazy but true hey?


And then there's the singing.....So make sure you die with cotton wool in your ears.

And I doubt that you'll need cash.

I'm assuming that souls simply absorb all their requirements from the atmosphere.


No worries then Deb....I'll see you in the infinite wilderness one day perhaps.

I'll be wearing a label that says Zed.

Though not sure how the concept of days pans out in the infinite wilderness.

Might be just one big endless existence.

I expect that heaven central is structured around daily worship and singing..........Which to be honest.......Sounds like HELL to me.
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#134
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I have the cheat code for the end guy.    

It goes...
Right foot hop whilst  Clockwise belly rub  (  4 times ) 
Light kick.
Light punch.
Squat.
Double jump
(  ____  blank _______ ) 
Clap once.
( ____ blank _____ ) 
Followed by a  ( ______ blank _____ ) 

For a small one off payment of just  $17 .99^
Yes thats just $ 17. 99^ 
you To can live a much more comfortable life with the piece of mind knowing you will spend eternity in beautiful sunny as heaven. 
With appartment  upgrades. 
* 100 %  money back guarantee.    

Why ?
Because you deserve it.  

Offer valid until whenever. 
Limited time only.  
Don't get caught dead without it. 



^ prices subject to change. 
* moneys can not be refunded and or transferred  to anyone in  hell.  
#135
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@Deb-8-a-bull
WOAH!!!!!!


Hang on Deb.

Sounds  dodgy to me.

Who sold you this package of sunny eternal bliss?

Was it a hot dude in a hooded skin tight red PVC cat suit with big horns and a three pronged weapon?

Possibly going by the name of Lucy Fernandez.
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#136
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@zedvictor4




I think we may be under utilizing the blatant gullibility of theists on this site.  
I mean ,  where we have a gathering of religious folks, money can be made. 



#137
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@Deb-8-a-bull
What's the plan?

Redemption was always a big earner.


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#138
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@zedvictor4
I think god might want me to build a church. 
orrrrrr 
Now get this. 

Maybe invent a building with changeable odd shaped roofs
Sooooooo.
Ok , i got it. 

Start a company that makes a cheap light  molded roof fittings ( Odd shaped roofs )  added fixture.
Simply remove any roof and pop it on.   
Like   
Pattern   #1  pointy with a cross .
Pattern   #2  The big  round bubble one.  
Pattern   #3  The synagogue one.
Pattern   #4   or  a design your own. 

By simply Replacing any modern roof with a (  WHACKY ROOF )  or  (  odd roofs )  you can charge people to come over.
Like to come in. 

Becauseeeeeeeeee. 
Everyone knows Ya can't  worship god in a bookstore or in a fast food restaurant can ya? 
Right?
No you can not. 
You need a odd roofed building for that.  

But its not like we can sell any to these guys. 
We've a real smart bunch of half arsed theists on this site.  (  you know what i mean )    

So back to the drawing board. 

Good day sir. 
 



70 days later

#139
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@FLRW
America's wealthiest pastor Kenneth Copeland is worth $760 million and doesn't pay taxes on his $7 million dollar mansion.
What did Jesus mean when He said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven?
Hard to see how a rich Arab would allow to be separated from his money or Camel.
But if heaven is full of Jews. He would let his camel go first.
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#140
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@Shila
Imagine running a church business.   
Like.
Do you pay that extra $ 1000 a week to get a real strong speaking pasta ?
Do you offer someone moneys if they can secure a will ?

It would be handy having a ,  (  ruthless bloke with no morals working for you. )   finding info on members,  checking members credentials,  and even landing wealthy members. 
 

I want to interview pastors.
I want to See  what bang ya get for ya buck. 
Like $1000 a week pastors as compared to a $3000 a week pastor. 

There would have to be a dozen $1000 a week pastors $2000, $3000 a week pastors all the way to $100,000 a service pastors.
There has to be Like A dozen $83,000 a week pastors.
A dozen $47,000 a week pastors. 

Obviously the don't do for the mere love of a god.  
A $500 a week pastor would be toats different then a $15,000. 

If you are lucky
You could probably snag like a $10,000 a week pastor for $3500 maybe $4000.

For A extra $100 a week you could get a pastor that's guaranteed not to touch kids inappropriately.

▪○●°•▪○⊙°•¤▪●●°¤▪●°¤▪●°•¤¤▪●•¤▪●°•¤▪●°°•▪●••¤▪●°•¤


I want to get a stable of high priced prestigious pastor up and running. 
How long would it take ya to Turn a $350 a week pastor into like a $2500 a week one? 
Train em up.  (  even though they would already have this service  )  I'm  not going to google it. 

PASTORS-R-US. 
Or  High Priced  Prestigious Pastoring .

 



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#141
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High priced precision pastoring. 
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#142
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Each pastor comes with a TRULY AMAZING backing story. 
#143
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@Deb-8-a-bull
High priced precision pastoring. 
Are you willing to spend the rest of your life convincing people to part with their money and compete with camels as a way to needle them?
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#144
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@Shila
Ummmmmmm.
Yeah. 
Well probably, 
all depends how profitable. 
Not me personally.   I have very little pastoring skills. 
As much as i want to be a cult leader , i haven't the skill. 

I would run a church. 
The three main things to get a church up and running  is . LOCATION,  LOCATION,  LOCATION.  

To operate a small business like a church you do need to be a little ruthless one thinks hey? 

Offering  odd roofed buildings for people to come and worship their gods does seem fair. 
I mean , 
its not like one can worship god at a book store or like a bowling alley is it? 
It doesn't work.  So i provide a place. 

For the first few weeks i will collect like a few bucks off every player. 
Then up it. 


It would be nice of me to offer a place for people to " communicate " with god.
Your welcome. .. 
Real fuckin good guy i will be. 
  ( this is what i will keep telling myself. ) 

 
#145
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@Deb-8-a-bull
Each pastor comes with a TRULY AMAZING backing story. 

Indeed Deb.  There is certainly one pastor here on this forum that has invented the most amazing and detailed backstory for himself.

It has everything Hollywood prays for, Deb.

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#146
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Pastoring  perfectionism. 
A bachelor of pastoring.   

No but imagine how fun the whole interviewing pastors for your church would be. 
Actually.  
WARNING , WARNING. 
A decent pastor like the $1500 plus a week ones  could easly make you hire them. 
' Adds a quick WARNING  REMINDER ' 

Picture four pastor turning up for the first day of work because somehow you hired them all.   
That is good pastoring. 

Then day 2 , four pastors showing up again because apparently you did not or simply forgot to fire any of them. 

This continues for a month.

A Car salesman. 
Sorry,  I mean
A Car salesperson. 
If a car salesperson made love to a lawyer they would have, pastorial offspring.  
Well once they hatch.   Thus bringing up another
REMINDER  /  WARNING. 
DO NOT FEED ANY pastor after midnight or get them wet.   
But you all know that. 


Doesn't have to be Well versed in the bible just Charismatic. 

Back to the post. 
Hey Stephen.
Do you think god asks the people that go to church,  why ?  for example ( you and i )
why haven't deb and step been showing up at church? 

He may be concerned thats all. 
Well i hope he is concerned.  Actually  i hope he misses me not going to church. 
 

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#147
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A fully Mastered pastor

#148
Shila
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@Deb-8-a-bull


America's wealthiest pastor Kenneth Copeland is worth $760 million and doesn't pay taxes on his $7 million dollar mansion.
What did Jesus mean when He said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven?

A fully Mastered pastor
A fully Mastered pastor must be willing to spend the rest of his life convincing people to part with their money and compete with camels as a way to needle them?
#149
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@Deb-8-a-bull
Hey Deb.

Have you ever tried standing up in front of an audience of gullibles, and talking bullshit for half an hour?

You might just be good at it.....LOL.





#150
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@oromagi
  • English language churches have been preaching since at least the 1400's that the "Eye of the Needle" was a minor gate in the west wall of Jerusalem- so small that a camel had to be unpacked and made to bow to pass through.  Difficult, but possible.
This is why it's useful to look at what rabbis were saying during the time of Jesus. People who he talked to or whose works he read. The rabbis at the time used the same phrase. The rabbis he got the exact phrase from added commentary to it and made it clear that it just means, it is very hard to enter heaven. I want to name the branch of Judaism that Jesus heavily pulled from, but it has been so long since I studied this, that I have forgotten.