Prepare for a lecture, one that is meant to be taken in its entirety. I recommend just reading it straight through. I think in dissecting it, the point would be lost. Get what I am trying to say if you can.
It is impossible to have conviction like mine if your foundation is reason. Reason by nature is relativistic. A house built on reason is a house built on sand.
The great error of western theology, that is, post orthodox western theology, is scholasticism. Scholasticism, the forerunner of your worldview, attempted through reason to prove Christian doctrine. With proper education, that is, the right information, and reason, one could see how Christianity is the truth. In the end, this elevated philosophy over Christianity. Eventually, philosophy abandoned Christianity, even making attempts to replace it.
This deification of reason eventually found its natural end in nihilism, that is, the rejection of an absolute truth. The doctrine that there are only relative truths. Everything that has come after is in some way, shape or form a grappling with nihilism. The embrace of idolatry even, which is fundamentally absurd.
Why is this? You can not find The Truth through reason. The Truth is not an idea. It is not matter. It is not math. It isn't like any created thing. Yet there is nothing more reasonable than The Truth, and without The Truth, reason itself becomes an arbitrary thing.
So if the type of conviction I have is not based on reason, where does it come from?
Epignosis.
You may be familiar with the word "gnosis", that is, "knowledge" or even "science". Epignosis is a different word. How can I put it in English? It is experiential, true, lived knowledge.
Living knowledge is something very different than knowledge in the static sense.
I alluded to this earlier. What is it that we learn? The science of sciences.
Where does it start? It starts with God. The Truth is God.
The Uncreated Truth is eternal, pre-eternal even, in that time itself is contingent on The Truth. Everything that exists is contingent on The Truth. Everything that exists is created, but The Truth is Uncreated. The Truth exists, but in a way that is totally singular. There is none like The Truth. While creation exists as reality, it is transient. It is relative. Everything that exists is contingent on some other existence, and ultimately The Truth. The Truth, however, is not contingent on any other existences. The Truth is not the sum of all existing realities, rather, all existing realities are contingent on The Truth. The Truth is The Ultimate Reality.
Nihilism is rejection of the existence of ultimate reality. As Yhe Truth is God, Nihilism and atheism are the same thing. So pervasive is this spirit of nihilism in the contemporary world that it is imperceptible to most people. Without even knowing it, the influence is there.
To a nihilist, the world of existing things is everything, and God is nothing. As the world is transient, unstable, ever changing, the end is death. It is an abyss, a grave.
A Christian is like the nihilist, but to the Christian, and I mean The Orthodox Christian, The world is nothing, and God is everything. Our faith is in eternity, and that eternity is the life of all life, the solid foundation. It is only through God that the world itself is even saved.
What is our religion? To choose Life Eternal over death. To abide in The Way. To live The The Truth. In making The Truth our identity, we by grace are made what it is by nature. We become immortal.
It is not a matter of words, consent, or confession but a matter of living. How do you love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength? How can you walk The Path if you cannot see it? Faith without works is dead, effectively no faith at all.
Purify the heart, and you will see God. When you see God, abide in Him.
The art of purifying the heart to see God is psychology in the truest sense of the word.
Psychology comes from "psyche" which is Greek for soul and "ology" meaning study. It's soul science. Does modern psychology even acknowledge the existence of soul?
No one has a better understanding of psychology than the orthodox church. A great deal of what the church does is psychology. With faith, it works. That is all it takes, faith. Put it into practice. The church understands unseen warfare. We understand what demons are, and how to conquer them. All of this stuff has to do with living, not thinking.
Unite the mind with the heart we say.
To us, God is not an idea, The Truth is a person. This Person, The Son, is the most perfect image of The incomprehensible and uncreated God, The Father. This person is God with us, God incarnate. Our goal as Christians is to conform to the image of this person, to be transformed. That in doing so, we may be one with The Son even as He is One with The Father, that we all may be One.
Epignosis, that is, true science. What is someone who practices the science of sciences? A theologian.
What can I say? I am not parroting off stuff I have read. I am talking experience. I am not making any of this stuff up. If anything I said makes any sense to you whatsoever, or to anyone who reads this, I point to the church. The Orthodox Catholic Church. Everything you need is there. Come with humility and charity. If you do that, eventually what seems alien to you now will make sense. If you have to know before you can practice, you'll never know, because knowing comes with the practice.
Or as the scriptures say, "It is impossible to please God without faith". Whereas in the western understanding faith is simply intellectual assent, to us faith is belief in action. "Believe that God is, and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him".
If you want my conviction, you have to make a good start. You have to struggle. Then and only then will you know the truth, and the truth will set you free.