First serious haiku ive ever written yall!
Im open to any suggestions to help improve!
Hope you guys enjoy, here goes nothin
Citadel Of Ash
Ash burns all your cash
you so wish to make a dash
yet only leaves a gash
Took a stab at writing a haiku
Posts
Total:
53
I don't understand what message/imagery this is meant to convey.
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@skittlez09
6/10. You need to be more descriptive with words. It seems like it's a story and not flowing
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@Discipulus_Didicit
Snow
Cold nights dawn upon
Snow falls down masking the roads
Life goes white today
Cold nights dawn upon
Snow falls down masking the roads
Life goes white today
after the all night rain
beneath the sun's corona
masked men digging graves
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@Vader
thanks for the feedback bro i appreciate it
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@Discipulus_Didicit
yeah your right it should be more clear
What is a haiku?
Is it a form of poem?
I really don't know
Is it a form of poem?
I really don't know
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@Vader
Okay your imagery is pretty clear. It says "I am from Chicago".
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@blamonkey
@Vader
@oromagi
@skittlez09
Life is eternity (3 parts)
Life is eternity
How can eternity be
So brief and bittersweet
Life is eternity
One spends it with oneself, alone
Doomed to desire more
Life is eternity
My eternal loneliness
Is finite after all
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@Discipulus_Didicit
lol
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@Discipulus_Didicit
Now that's... pretty epic.
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@blamonkey
Thanks lol
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@Vader
I think he was talking to me... The guy he tagged.
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@skittlez09
Citadel of ash
A haiku curiously.
He took a stab at.
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@Discipulus_Didicit
thats a good one bro
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@skittlez09
Thanks.
supadudz smoking
KOOL menthols on the back porch
citadel of ash
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@Vader
Life goes white today
racist
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@oromagi
The poem is called snow, not the Confederacy
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@Vader
ah, so....it's a metaphor for cocaine then
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@oromagi
You put cocaine on the road? It also falls from the sky? Must have missed that lesson in Biology
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@Vader
You put cocaine on the road? It also falls from the sky?
He must not be from Chicago. He must be from Phoenix.
You put cocaine on the road? It also falls from the sky?
that is how we do in Denver- could be coke, could be we're just downwind from the citadel of ash.
What do you think CAUTION BUMP AHEAD means?
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@oromagi
lol its kinda funny cuz my poem was about withdrawal
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@skittlez09
I picked up on that!
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@blamonkey
The haiku is a Japanese format of poetry in which the first and third lines have 5 syllables, while the second has seven. Its compact structure is still able to tell a complete, simple story. There can be slight variation in structure, such as the following of mine:
The vineyard leaves,
Surely, the Summer is at hand,
Fruit is near at hand.
The last word of the first line is intended to be a verb, not a noun.
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@fauxlaw
Thanks! I didn't know that.
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@oromagi
yeh withdrawal is torture
Ight so i created a new haiku poem, hope this one is better!
And as always i appreciate the feedback!
enjoy!
My Ship
Embark on my ship
lets blaze thru the galaxy
the adventure calls