I graduated, again

Author: Vader

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#1
Vader
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An obligatory, I graduated post that is the long awaited sequel to "I also graduated." I graduate in 1 month assuming everything goes to plan.

Unlike graduating high school, I feel VERY different this time around. Mainly because the typical routine I've been used to doing is getting flipped on its head after 22 years of my life, or it's because after this there may only be one more graduation post. But I just feel like my college experience went too fast. My college experience was rough to start and unlike high school, a lot of it was heightened because of my school environment and the stressed of school. I wasn't really happy and didn't find my group of people until my sophomore year, where then things started to turn around and get better. I met a bunch of great people in college and got to know a bunch of people in my time. I still had a close group of friends while also being in a fraternity as well. 

Unlike in the last post, my life has opened up a bit. I'm not worried about exams and such, and can dedicate time outside of my job to pursue passions and interests.

It is weird that I have now been on DDO and DART for 8 years, practically my whole college and high school career. I used to see OG's that were around DDO for 7+ years and thought, damn these mf's are old. Now I am one of those people. Geesh

#2
whiteflame
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@Vader
Congrats on nearly finishing college!

I used to see OG's that were around DDO for 7+ years and thought, damn these mf's are old. Now I am one of those people. Geesh
#3
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@Vader
Congratulations.

A word of advice from someone in his late 20s:
From this point on, while you will age you won't automatically move forward. There is the path of least resistance, in which you can live comfortably and enjoy a good amount of leisure time. Say, a routine where you clock in for 40 mindless hours a week where the only thing on your mind is going home. Without conscious and continuous effort, this is where you'll end up.
The drawback is that you'll stay in one place, as one year rolls over to the next and to the next. You may well wake up at 28 and find that you're not better off than you were at 23. There may or may not be a heaven and a hell, but regarding this present life you only have one shot. If you get a few years older and realize you've irreversibly lost time without accomplishing anything during it, that won't be a good feeling at all.

Another thing: school is an environment where your peers are mostly the same age, and you're forced to interact in a common space that conduces itself naturally to friendships. The "real world" isn't like that. It'll be very easy to find yourself friendless and adrift. You won't see your college friends every day, or every week, or every month. Your coworkers will usually be people in their 30s, 40s, or 50s, and they're unlikely to share your interests and hobbies. There won't be a lot of women your age, nor contexts that are appropriate for flirting. If in high school you asked out the girl who you shared one class and had interacted twice with, then whatever. Sometimes it'd work out, sometimes it wouldn't. Either way the stakes are low. But if you do the same to a woman on the streets, or to the regular barista at your coffee shop, then that's sexual harassment. Now, I'm assuming you already knew this much, but I say it to drive home the point. There are dating apps, but those are dumpster fires and internet horror stories of the dating app experience, especially for men, abound.

I'm sorry to put a damper on the occasion, but that's what you should expect. Plan accordingly and perhaps you'll make it work out despite everything I've said.
#4
WyIted
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Congrats. I hope you enjoy dealing with the Chinese for the rest of your career.  I hear they our great business partners. Also since some are speculating that they will surpass America by building electric cars that randomly explode and inferior AI models than you will be positioned well to work with the next empire.
#5
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@Vader
Cheers to you, Vader! You seem as though you have your shite together and have found pursuits which are fulfilling. I imagine you are lucky in the sense that you have made your own luck.
#6
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@Swagnarok
nor contexts that are appropriate for flirting. If in high school you asked out the girl who you shared one class and had interacted twice with, then whatever. Sometimes it'd work out, sometimes it wouldn't. Either way the stakes are low. But if you do the same to a woman on the streets, or to the regular barista at your coffee shop, then that's sexual harassment. Now, I'm assuming you already knew this much, but I say it to drive home the point. There are dating apps, but those are dumpster fires and internet horror stories of the dating app experience, especially for men, abound.
With all due respect you always want to flirt with females who have authority over you, especially if they are ugly. You will be punished for not doing so and you'll wonder why people are promoted around you. You never want to take it past flirting but if your boss is female, not particularly attractive and in charge of your career than you are making a mistake by not flirting. 

They want to feel desirable even if they aren't attracted to you, they want their ego stroked. I am older than you and this is from experience. 

Now if the woman is hot and constantly flattered already this advice may not apply but a good 50% of the time they also want their ego stroked so take it on a case by case basis and remember to only stroke their ego by flirting. If you stroke it by working hard or picking up extra hours, they will not respect you and you'll be a doormat and the flirted will be interpreted as creepy.
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#7
Vader
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@Swagnarok
Thank you for some of advice. 

I put my hands in god and hope that He protects and guides me. I have experience working with people older than me as in my last internship I was working with people in those ages, but I get your point. My goal is to make the best of what I have, see shit around the world, live a fullfilling life while still having a stable revenue, and not settle down for quite some time
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#8
Vader
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@whiteflame
Congrats on nearly finishing college!

I used to see OG's that were around DDO for 7+ years and thought, damn these mf's are old. Now I am one of those people. Geesh

Lol. I guess I'm at the table saying back in the old days
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#9
Vader
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@cristo71
Thank you! I can definetly say I have found and made my own luck
#10
WyIted
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As far as the other advice that flirting with a barista is sexual harassment, I think this is social media blowing stuff out of proportion. If you suck at taking social cues than being very cautious but women are okay with you flirting with them and you can tell because they flirt back. If they aren't flirting back normally than yes there is something wrong with you that needs addressed. Maybe what you wear, maybe your physical build or awkwardness but if women are not flirting back when you flirt than there is something wrong with you and remember women are significantly better at judging character at first glance than men, so figure it out
#11
Swagnarok
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At this point in your life, you probably won't have to worry about your physical health. But your mental health could take a nosedive very fast. There are precautions you can take against this:

-Avoid doomscrolling, especially late at night. Algorithms will feed you scary articles about how the world's falling apart, or ragebait material. After a while I had to get off Quora because half of everything was either misandrist screeds against men, unsubtle neo-Nazi propaganda, or disturbing porn. Be conscious of what you're consuming online. There may be a part of your brain that actually likes to be offended and upset, but don't indulge it because that's not good for you in the long run.

-Get a gym membership. You're unlikely to get a heart attack and die in your 20s even if you are a fat slob, but exercising will improve your mood and self-confidence, and it'll inform lifestyle habits in your 30s, when health matters more. It's also a leisurely venue to meet other people your age with at least one shared interest.

-Stay plugged in to a church, and wake up early on Sunday mornings to attend. Your profile suggests you identify as Christian, so this shouldn't be a problem. I know orthodoxy is "based" and cool, but there aren't a whole lot of churches meeting this description in the US. If you have to settle for a Baptist or Methodist church or whatnot, then do that; one real church, no matter the denomination, is worth a thousand idealized churches that only exist on subreddits or Discord channels. Preferably not a megachurch, or a church otherwise so big that you feel completely anonymous. Church is supposed to be a communal experience.

-If you're actually getting depressed or schizo or whatnot, then seek professional help. I know our culture still kind of stigmatizes mental illness, but don't worry about what other people think. A doctor's obviously not going to blab to your friend group about what you tell him.
#12
ILikePie5
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@Vader
Congrats brotha
#13
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Congrats bro!
#14
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@Vader
An achievement, a milestone.

I agree with Swagnarok, that it's easy to fall into a low effort routine,
But it's not so bad, so long as one has a job and keeps acquiring money and items of value to fall back on in later years.
#15
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@Swagnarok
That's the worst motivational graduation speech I've ever seen.
#16
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@Sidewalker
It's not supposed to be. It's real talk that a lot of college students/grads aren't told. OP, I think, is going to be fine, but the mismatch between the average young person's post-graduation expectations and their lived post-graduation experiences is pretty big.
#17
fauxlaw
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@Vader
Congrats.
I always find it amusing to  see 20-somethings consider themselves "old." I've been around the sun 75 times - a boomer, and definitely one of the senior members of DART.  I'll offer advice from one of my favorite literary guys; Oscar Wilde. He said, "Be yourself; everyone else is taken."
#18
Sidewalker
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@Vader
Congratulations Vader, you are not old, you are young, you are educated, and the rest of your life is ahead of you, it will be what you choose to make it.

The previous generations have pretty much fucked the place up, we are handing you a turd sandwich, but that is the past, you are the future, you can fix what we broke, and you can make the world a better place. 

It’s the greatest show on earth, and it is happening right here right now. The only way to enjoy the show, to enjoy life, is as a participant, so get in the game. Throwing yourself in the water is the best way to learn how to swim.

Relax, be self-confident, have faith in yourself, realize that you are naturally buoyant, if you relax and push forward, you will not drown.

Building self-confidence is the key, and the only way to build self-confidence is to start doing things you’re not sure you can do. To keep your self-confidence, keep giving yourself new challenges.  The key is commitment.  So just go ahead and do it and grow that much stronger and surer.
Once you start, keep at it.  Never give up.  Push harder when you have to, relax when you can.  If you don’t keep going until you’re satisfied, you will never know how much you can do.  If you put your mind to it, you can do anything.

Your secret weapon is inertia, so use it, inertia is a force that works against you when you want to do something, but you are doing nothing.  But if you seize the day and start doing something, then inertia works with you, it keeps you going till the job is done, and you decide when the job is done.  

If you do not feel free, it is because you have not yet declared your own freedom, if you are waiting for it to be given to you, you will wait forever.

It’s all up to you.  You are completely responsible for your life; it will be what you choose to make it, choose well, take a path with a heart, be real and genuine and honest, be yourself.

And finally…sorry about that turd sandwich.



#19
Sidewalker
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@Swagnarok
It's not supposed to be. It's real talk that a lot of college students/grads aren't told. OP, I think, is going to be fine, but the mismatch between the average young person's post-graduation expectations and their lived post-graduation experiences is pretty big.
Nonsense, "it is better to shoot for excellence and miss the mark, than to shoot for mediocrity and achieve your goal".

Striving for greatness is always better than expecting less, it's not about the destination, it's about how you take the journey.



#20
Swagnarok
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@Sidewalker
I never said that effort doesn't pay off. I didn't tell OP not to set goals and then strive to meet them. I told him not to just expect things will go his way because he has a college degree. There are life and career challenges your typical recent to recent-ish graduate in his 20s faces, and having self-awareness about one's circumstances is a good first step to either doing something about it or at least coping with it.
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#21
Vader
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Thanks to everyone for the kind words and advice
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#22
Vader
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@fauxlaw
I always find it amusing to  see 20-somethings consider themselves "old." I've been around the sun 75 times - a boomer, and definitely one of the senior members of DART.  I'll offer advice from one of my favorite literary guys; Oscar Wilde. He said, "Be yourself; everyone else is taken."
Fair enough lol. Definetly not old by a typical standards but in some friend groups and even on this site when I play mafia, people seem to keep getting younger
#23
WyIted
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@fauxlaw
, "Be yourself; everyone else is taken."
This type of advice is why so many pieces of shit exist. 

A lot of people just be themselves and end up serial killers, rapists or worse of all virgins. 

I would urge people to be me or better yet be the best version of me you can pull off. 

Stay hard

#24
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@Vader
Here is real advice.

Save 20% of your paycheck. Not in a savings account but in investments. If you don't feel like doing the work of investing than finding a fund with extremely low fees. Fees will hurt you more than the fund managers incompetence ever could.
#25
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Do not invest in bonds. That's for people trying to preserve wealth. If you do invest in bonds than stuck with municipal bonds that are suspiciously high yielding. I am talking like 8% or better
#26
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@Vader
Congrats.

I am currently in college, its absolutely exhausting and I miss highschool a lot, especially seeing my hometown friends every day, maybe life will open up again post-grad.
#27
fauxlaw
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@WyIted
I would urge people to be me or better yet be the best version of me you can pull off. 

Stay hard
That just results in premature efactulation. Who wants a clone of that?
#28
Shila
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@fauxlaw
Congrats.
I always find it amusing to  see 20-somethings consider themselves "old." I've been around the sun 75 times - a boomer, and definitely one of the senior members of DART.  I'll offer advice from one of my favorite literary guys; Oscar Wilde. He said, "Be yourself; everyone else is taken."
Your wisdom has accumulated over the years.
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#29
Vader
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@Dr.Franklin
I am currently in college, its absolutely exhausting and I miss highschool a lot, especially seeing my hometown friends every day, maybe life will open up again post-grad.
I was in the same boat as you for my first years. I can't say it gets better because to be honest for some people it doesn't, but it did get better for me. I definetly missed my hometown friends but with ways to communicate (discord, etc.), it made it a bit easier. I was blessed enought to make new friends though and that's what preoccupies my mind
#30
badger
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Have some fun for a few years. My twenties were a total wipeout but now I'm on the other side of them and I've landed squarely on my feet. It's a good time down in the Last Chance Saloon tbh. Just want to make it home safe. Might find some real perspective down there too if you're lucky. Dunno if I did lol. But I am happy. 

Or do whatever you're gonna do. Life is real easy until it isn't. And then like Epicurus says, what is terrible is easy to endure.