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FOR SINGLE CHRISTIAN MEN THAT ARE LOOKING FOR A WIFE OF YOUR DREAMS:
Shown below as the inspired word of our particular chosen God of the Bronze and Iron Age, Jesus the Christ, is how to get a proper wife, praise! Christians, dust off your bible on the coffee table, or remove it from being a doorstop, and open it up for a change to find the proper scripture in finding a wife of your dreams, whereas some passages in this endeavor are shown below! You can thank me later.
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours! (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her. YIKES, whatever works! (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock, and biblically, he should give you one of his daughters, easy peasy! (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property and get a woman as part of the deal. (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women comes out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife, how easy is this! (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have the brutal serial killer Yahweh/Jesus God create a wife for you while you are asleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil to get a wife, ouch! (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. This should be a favorite for all pseudo-christian men looking for a wife. Cut off 200 foreskins of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife in return! (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. Its all relative. (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest and choose a wife. (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you think could be your wife, go home and tell your parents and say: “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me!” (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take his wife. The drawback is to prepare to lose four sons, damn it. (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow as your wife. ( (Deuteronomy 25:5-10)
14. Don’t be so damn picky in choosing a wife. Make up for quality with quantity, praise! (1 Kings 11:1-3)
There you have it, no need for those expensive Christian Only Dating Sites, just use our Bible’s godly inspired words for a change to find the proper wife, praise!
I have followed a few of these passages in obtaining my 7 wives over the years, because of the simple fact that Jesus told us to be “fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 9:1) so I can add future Christian Soldiers for the cause, thank you Jesus! The only problem with this scenario was that my wives life ambition was to be able to “sit up.” :(
Are there any Christian men that can give us stories in how they biblically got their wives in marriage? Don't be shy!
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