As an example. After I ran against BSH1 the first time I ran as president. I saw a nasty side of him behind the scenes. A side I didn't think existed. I won't go into details but I'm sure many of you are aware of a tad bit of that. A few days ago I was reading through old DDO PMs and reading through a few I have with him reminded of this. Reading through those PMs brought back some feelings I had at the time. I was wondering if that nasty side of BSH1 was him showing his true self, or if it was something else.
I have very few friends, but the friends I do have are fiercely loyal to me, as I am to them. I'd kill for them, and them for me. I don't have many friends because I usually am betrayed at some point, in some way. I always assume those monor betrayels are them showing their true self. Perhaps it is because my public image is so carefully curated (offline) that I feel like those cracks are just the real person showing through, but is it something different?
I almost discarded my therapist, because I felt like she was not fiercely loyal to me. I mentioned some homicidal ideations, and she started prying to see if I had plans to kill somebody. The conversation went something like this.
Me: "I want to kill Karla Homolka" (Or some power broker)"her: "I understand that, you want to make the world safer for your child, Do you have any plans or intentions to murder somebody?"
Me: "Why are you asking me that, knowing you have a duty to report?" "Are you loyal to me or to Karla Homolka's safety"Her: "I don't want you to be hurt by any extreme actions you take"Me: "Do you know how high my IQ is?" "Do you know 35% of all murders go unsolved, the other 65% are people of average or lower IQs getting caught" "You can't protect me from something I would never get caught doing"Her: "You don't know what effects the trauma of killing somebody could cause you to do" "You might be able to plan the perfect murder, but will your psychological state allow you to act accordingly in the aftermath of the event"
I knew what she was talking about. I have heard detectives say that people plan for everything except for the heebie Jeebies they get from murdering somebody, which cause them to make dumb mistakes. Did she show me her true colors there. Is she more loyal to the serial killer Karla Homolka, or me?
When people betray you, is that their true self shining through in a brief unguarded moment, or is it something else?