The best, funniest end of the story you can provide

Breaking away from my typical ranting, here's a story for which you will provide the best and funniest ending. Better yet, you are the judge. Here is the beginning of the story; you do the rest:

My wife and I decided to split the household chores. One night, it was my turn to do the dishes. When the table was cleared,  the dishes, utensils, cooking gear stacked at the sink, I opened the tap, ran the water over my hands, closed the tap, dried my hands, grabbed my car keys and drove away. I came back with...

herpes.

a dishwasher. 

A Slovenian stripper?

Renting a limousine in Greece 

...a complete set of new dishes.

Divorce papers. 

...myself more shocked than ever. On the table there was a completely clean set of dishes, as white as the most expensive set of silverware sold in the most luxurious store. My wife wasn't back, she simply goes out at this time of the day every week. In case if you are wondering, no, the grocery store wasn't open due to this being a saturday night.

I checked the sink with no idea of what I will, or won't find. Suddenly, the old set of dishes, the ones that I forgot to deal with before I left my home, was sitting there.

Suddenly, I heard a loud noise coming from outside the kitchen. The clean-as-new dishes flew past my head and immediately dropped itself against the sink. Great, I thought, now both sets of dishes are broken, and I have to deal with at least one meal with not a single tinfoil plate while the nearby shop closes for another few hours.

Then, I heard a few knocks on the door, a very familiar rhythm, even. We all know that is my wife coming back home.

...A trash bag and paper plates.

So far, though I'm not the judge:

Discip: you don't know me; I don't dabble as that suggestion would imply.

Reece: Practical, though I just bought a new one a year ago. 

FLRW: nope, same response as to Discip

Supa: Intriguing

oromagi: Practical, again, but a different theme. Good; our current dishes [stoneware by Ruska] are now out of production, and their value is rising exponentially, so, yeah, it has possibilities to protect them by use of new dishes, instead. Our anniversary is next month, so, the gift will be appreciated.

Sum1hugme: Nope, 48 years this August; so, not likely to happen now; we're still too much in love.

Reece, v2: ? Yeah, high meta, alright. Intriguing by the mystery

Intel: I like it; an expanded story that shifts gears by having my wife going out after I leave and come back, but she's still out. A bit pf paranormal [flying dishes] to boot. nice.

Skeptic: Practical, and different again 3x. It even rings true because we do that from time to time.

Rats.  I was shooting for funny.

Came back with...

Protein shake and a cutting-edge vibrator, realising that the kitchen wasn't the only place I was slacking.

Monopoly

Detergent.

And a load of other stuff that you didn't necessarily want, but found irresistible.