I feel like I'm putting too much stress on the idea of being in a relationship, so I was hoping to put this to the test. Socrates method alone wasn't enough to defeat my idea, even though I felt my thought was flawed. Here is the following cross-examination versus myself.
The idea is simple. Humans innately seek relationship and intimacy, for the most part (asexual people aside), and I am one of those people. Studies have shown that kisses and hugs release dopamine and oxytocin, important to counter depression and improve mood. As the famous moral philosophy Utilitarianism itself had stated, the greater the overall happiness, the better. As long as I'm not hurting anyone, it should be fine.
Q: Why not merely friendship?
A: It seems to me that in general close romance is trusted more, and friendship in contrast comes and goes with no crux to the relationship. Consider the fact that being married means you have to spend your whole life together, in the same house, this is a testament to the power of love compared to mere friendship. The only friendships that I heard last an entire life are those that are rooted in being childhood friends, and a lot of those turn into romance as well. But as I have no childhood friends, it seems very unlikely that I would be able to establish any more, especially as adults are wary of each other, have other friends and worries, and harder to establish merely a long friendship.
Q: What if you fail?
A: Isn't there the famous saying, "it is better to have loved and lost than have not loved at all?" I would gain much experience from failing, and have a story to tell in the end. I've suffered a lot of emotional troubles in the past and I feel like they would help me get through this. And in the end, wouldn't my interaction with general friends be improved as a result of deeply understanding one other person?
Q: Does it matter to you if casual, or serious?
A: Here is admittedly where things get blurry, of course, I am able to accept friends with benefits if that is the only thing that I can achieve. But I am saying I am also not afraid to be more serious, even if that means potentially having to let go of the other person at the drop of a hat. With my analytical abilities I should be careful enough to have a good idea which type of relationship I should take, and blurring the line is better than not even getting close to the line in my opinion.
Counter: What if you are too ambitious and ignore the line as such? Human emotion is selfish and greedy as such, you yourself are unsatisfied with merely friendship; how can we be so sure you won't break the idea of "friends with benefits" as well?
A: As previously said, the solution is to merely take it lightly, being open to all possibilities and solutions. I'm sure if you tell your FWB that you wanted to make it an open relationship (potentially deeper possibilities), they would be understanding and allow you, especially since it's not a true emotional investment and only a little involvement.
Q: If you are willing to blur the line, does this not mean you only like the physical aspect, and hence, negate the emotional ideas? You said yourself you wanted to take things lightly.
A: If physical is the only thing I can get, that is what I'll take. I can still ready myself for something more serious, if we are compatible and things go well. FWB can still be a step towards an actual relationship, and taking things lightly is only the initial approach; I can always invest more once I see that the relation is going to last.
Q: You say in utilitarianism, the greater the overall happiness the better, but how can you know you won't hurt the other more than the experience you gained?
A: In this case, I'd say the best thing to do is to warn them beforehand you might be fickle and testing out relationships, looking for people with a similar viewpoint. As such, they also won't be too emotionally invested, resulted in unlikely happiness lost in the case of utilitarianism.
Q: AHA! That's the flaw in your argument! You assume that they're willing to go slow and light, but what if they want to quickly achieve a serious relationship as fast as possible? Wouldn't your idea be completely negated? After all, too slow results in too little progress in the relationship!
A: Relationships usually take time to build, especially a long and serious ones. What they want to do should be up to them, and I can just take my time. Isn't the worst case, just gaining another friend and helping them figure out their new relation?
Q: Your case in view only looks at yourself and not the other person. What if they have malicious intentions and only want finance?
A: I think this is relatively rare. I'm careful enough not to waste any important money on another person; only using it if absolutely necessary. I get that it can seem kind of stingy, but everyone ought to be wise in spending money, and the other person should understand if I don't want to give thousands of dollars to help them, if it's only a relatively casual relationship.
Q: How would you know when to keep going, or how to give up? Isn't this a problem?
A: There is the internet, there is my intuition. I can analyze the ongoing benefits and negatives of the relationships to figure out what is wrong and either try to fix it, or move on to try another person. I don't see the problem here.
Q: reason won't work on him... let's try this! Your face is ugly! Your personality is horrible! You have to worry not only about your job, your family, but now you want to worry about a relationship? Hah! Good luck with that, you fool!
A: Even if I am unable to get a relation, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. There are indeed other problems that I should tackle first, but that shouldn't negate the eventual need for more companionship. Family is family, they are essentially different from romance. And please don't straw man this into incest; that's another thing entirely.
Q: You are a lost cause! You spit ideals and the best result possible, but you do not specify precisely what you are looking for? How do you know when one is right and when one is wrong for you, exactly?
A: As one of the other comment suggests, meeting groups of people would help the most to find the right one. Through interactions and discussions, I can gradually both improve my social skill and find out who is most fitted towards me.
Q: Another idealistic answer. What will you say? What will you do? In the spark of the moment, you choke up, you stand still, and you waste your chance. How can you achieve your goal?!
A: Isn't your thought process the only obstacle in the way? The same problems occur for any job interview, which is much more stressful, with money and career on the line. Especially considering the possibility that they will be your future boss or manager. As we continue practicing, can you say for sure that all my chances will be wasted?
Q: Impossible! My argument can't be flawless! There is no way that I found an objectively moral action, as people cannot even agree on whether murder is always unjust or if torture is necessary. But what is wrong with the thought process??!
The idea is simple. Humans innately seek relationship and intimacy, for the most part (asexual people aside), and I am one of those people. Studies have shown that kisses and hugs release dopamine and oxytocin, important to counter depression and improve mood. As the famous moral philosophy Utilitarianism itself had stated, the greater the overall happiness, the better. As long as I'm not hurting anyone, it should be fine.
Q: Why not merely friendship?
A: It seems to me that in general close romance is trusted more, and friendship in contrast comes and goes with no crux to the relationship. Consider the fact that being married means you have to spend your whole life together, in the same house, this is a testament to the power of love compared to mere friendship. The only friendships that I heard last an entire life are those that are rooted in being childhood friends, and a lot of those turn into romance as well. But as I have no childhood friends, it seems very unlikely that I would be able to establish any more, especially as adults are wary of each other, have other friends and worries, and harder to establish merely a long friendship.
Q: What if you fail?
A: Isn't there the famous saying, "it is better to have loved and lost than have not loved at all?" I would gain much experience from failing, and have a story to tell in the end. I've suffered a lot of emotional troubles in the past and I feel like they would help me get through this. And in the end, wouldn't my interaction with general friends be improved as a result of deeply understanding one other person?
Q: Does it matter to you if casual, or serious?
A: Here is admittedly where things get blurry, of course, I am able to accept friends with benefits if that is the only thing that I can achieve. But I am saying I am also not afraid to be more serious, even if that means potentially having to let go of the other person at the drop of a hat. With my analytical abilities I should be careful enough to have a good idea which type of relationship I should take, and blurring the line is better than not even getting close to the line in my opinion.
Counter: What if you are too ambitious and ignore the line as such? Human emotion is selfish and greedy as such, you yourself are unsatisfied with merely friendship; how can we be so sure you won't break the idea of "friends with benefits" as well?
A: As previously said, the solution is to merely take it lightly, being open to all possibilities and solutions. I'm sure if you tell your FWB that you wanted to make it an open relationship (potentially deeper possibilities), they would be understanding and allow you, especially since it's not a true emotional investment and only a little involvement.
Q: If you are willing to blur the line, does this not mean you only like the physical aspect, and hence, negate the emotional ideas? You said yourself you wanted to take things lightly.
A: If physical is the only thing I can get, that is what I'll take. I can still ready myself for something more serious, if we are compatible and things go well. FWB can still be a step towards an actual relationship, and taking things lightly is only the initial approach; I can always invest more once I see that the relation is going to last.
Q: You say in utilitarianism, the greater the overall happiness the better, but how can you know you won't hurt the other more than the experience you gained?
A: In this case, I'd say the best thing to do is to warn them beforehand you might be fickle and testing out relationships, looking for people with a similar viewpoint. As such, they also won't be too emotionally invested, resulted in unlikely happiness lost in the case of utilitarianism.
Q: AHA! That's the flaw in your argument! You assume that they're willing to go slow and light, but what if they want to quickly achieve a serious relationship as fast as possible? Wouldn't your idea be completely negated? After all, too slow results in too little progress in the relationship!
A: Relationships usually take time to build, especially a long and serious ones. What they want to do should be up to them, and I can just take my time. Isn't the worst case, just gaining another friend and helping them figure out their new relation?
Q: Your case in view only looks at yourself and not the other person. What if they have malicious intentions and only want finance?
A: I think this is relatively rare. I'm careful enough not to waste any important money on another person; only using it if absolutely necessary. I get that it can seem kind of stingy, but everyone ought to be wise in spending money, and the other person should understand if I don't want to give thousands of dollars to help them, if it's only a relatively casual relationship.
Q: How would you know when to keep going, or how to give up? Isn't this a problem?
A: There is the internet, there is my intuition. I can analyze the ongoing benefits and negatives of the relationships to figure out what is wrong and either try to fix it, or move on to try another person. I don't see the problem here.
Q: reason won't work on him... let's try this! Your face is ugly! Your personality is horrible! You have to worry not only about your job, your family, but now you want to worry about a relationship? Hah! Good luck with that, you fool!
A: Even if I am unable to get a relation, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. There are indeed other problems that I should tackle first, but that shouldn't negate the eventual need for more companionship. Family is family, they are essentially different from romance. And please don't straw man this into incest; that's another thing entirely.
Q: You are a lost cause! You spit ideals and the best result possible, but you do not specify precisely what you are looking for? How do you know when one is right and when one is wrong for you, exactly?
A: As one of the other comment suggests, meeting groups of people would help the most to find the right one. Through interactions and discussions, I can gradually both improve my social skill and find out who is most fitted towards me.
Q: Another idealistic answer. What will you say? What will you do? In the spark of the moment, you choke up, you stand still, and you waste your chance. How can you achieve your goal?!
A: Isn't your thought process the only obstacle in the way? The same problems occur for any job interview, which is much more stressful, with money and career on the line. Especially considering the possibility that they will be your future boss or manager. As we continue practicing, can you say for sure that all my chances will be wasted?
Q: Impossible! My argument can't be flawless! There is no way that I found an objectively moral action, as people cannot even agree on whether murder is always unjust or if torture is necessary. But what is wrong with the thought process??!
