Lolcow of the Week - 3rd Edition

Author: Mharman

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#1
Mharman
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What is a Lolcow?

Taken from the YouTube channel “Urinating Tree”, lolcow is a term for a hilariously bad sports team, or sometimes an individual. While regular cows produce milk, a lolcow produces laughs.

The Nominees Are...

New England Patriots

🦀🦀🦀🦀 The Evil Empire is Gone !!!!!1!1!1! 🦀🦀🦀🦀

On a serious note, I actually read an interesting article from ESPN detailing how the Patriots fell out of Brady’s favor.

Los Angeles Rams

More like the Ramshackles. Losing Todd Gurley was the big one, but that doesn’t cover it. There’s more. Dante Fowler Jr, Cory Littleton, Clay Matthews, etc. What did they pick up? Not enough. They are solely relying on draft gambling, and their mediocre season last year ensures they won’t even get the best draft picks. Just remember: No matter how bad it gets, it’s never going to be as bad as your new logo.

Detroit Lions

Well this will make a certain someone happy. Just look at their free agency selections. They are wannabe Patriots. They are also unaware that the Patriots right now are nothing to emulate.

Houston Texans

Bill O’Brien got bailed out so many times by his talented team, and how do you reward his near failure? With GM duty, of course! What is the first thing he does? Trade away his star receiver, of course! I am a happy Colts fan. I would take a dump all over you guys, but I have a fate worse than death in mind... being spat on by Cowboys fans.

New York Jets

What was that I said about football teams from New York? Because it’s still true. The Jets threw money at short-term solutions. That’s just the Jets being the Jets. I can’t say much more. Their offseason so far has been a buttfumble.

The Loser is...

New York Jets

The Rams still have some good players, so do the Patriots and the Texans. The Jets’ biggest competitor was the Lions, but at least they’re building something. What are the Jets building? A Boeing 747? Because it’s falling apart.

So congratulations, Jets! Not only are you the NFL’s Buttfumble, you are also the 3rd Lolcow of the Week! 🎉 😂 🐄 

#2
Vader
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@Mharman
I'd give it to Houston
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#3
Mharman
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@Vader
I just see it as a win for the Texans that they still have almost everyone else.

#4
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@Mharman
That's the best use of lol I've ever seen! I usually consider that anytime anyone uses lol it's used as meaning "frightened little girl" because people who use it followed, or preceded by just about anything leaves me with that impression.

lolcow is truly funny.

Do you think or know if it has any etymological reference to a French cheese company, la Vache Qui Rit [marketed here [US, and I suppose in GB] as "The Laughing Cow? 
#5
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@Mharman
The in depths are the trade consider this a lolcow. They got a running-back with a massive contract that has been average versus Lamar Miller, who has been good and about the same numbers as David Johnson, but with a lower tag. D-Hop is a generational talent like Randy Moss, Walter Payton, Khalil Mack. You just don't trade generational talent. There receiving core is weak now with the loss. While I am excited for Fuller IV, still can't replace. To also not have a 1st and a 2nd and 4th only is tragic. It will go down as the worse trades in history. 

The Jets also didn't do much but up that o-line. I actually think the signing were OK. If Darnold does well and performs better, I think Jets will be a solid #2 seed
#6
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The Pats also revolved around Brady offensively. Hoyer seems to be their starter. Trust me, he sucks. There receiving core is also shit. A near washed Edelman and Sanu won't carry the Offensive load. They also lost key defensive pieces.



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#7
Mharman
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I can't say I was enthusiastic about any of these teams. However, I went with Jets simply because they were a larger overall dumpster fire. But trust me on this: none of the others were far behind. They've all put themselves in awful positions.

I'd also like to ask why you think the Jets are 2-seed. Do you think they are #2 in the NFL, AFC, or AFC East?

#8
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Miami is still a dumpster fire, they wont have a QB or a reliable offense going into the season. The Jets are the second best team in a bad division. Yes 2nd in AFC East
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#9
Mharman
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Ok makes sense