YYW led Thett through a long underground corridor. A little known DC secret, these tunnels connected the homes of all of Washington's elites. The trip ended abruptly as they came across an open trapdoor. As soon as they ascended the stairs into a well kept basement, Thett was introduced to the silver fox himself: Robert Mueller.
"Thett, have a seat."
He sounded exactly like Chris Hanson.
Thett sat.
"These are my associates, Peter Strzok and Lisa Page" Thett hadn't even finished shaking their hands before Mueller began the long, sorry tale.
"It all began shortly after President West took office...in addition to firing many career bureaucrats, President West's administration undertook a historic purge of top level FBI and CIA officials. Virtually everyone who had been involved in Washington for more than a few years was unceremoniously let go."
"As his campaign promised" Thett butted in
"As his campaign promised, indeed. But there is more to this story. He didn't shrink the size of the bureau at all--in fact he expanded it, and filled it with people whose views and goals are not aligned with American interests. And speaking of his campaign, we have reason to believe that many of his campaign officials, especially Vice President Emilrose, were compromised from the beginning."
"Compromised by who?"
Mueller then removed the sunglasses that Thett hadn't realized he was wearing. "By the Russians."
"This can't be..."
"I assure you that it is. We have evidence suggesting that Emilrose met with Russian officials during the campaign and that after this meeting they spent over $7,000 on Facebook ads in critical swing states. Ads such as these:"
Mueller slid Thett a thick folder. Opening it, he came across a printed screenshot of a Facebook advertisement. It was a cartoon of Christ arm-wrestling Satan. In the image, Satan's speech bubble said "If Trump wins, I win." and Christ replied: "Not if I can help it!"
It was the most persuasive piece of propaganda Thett had ever seen.
"My G-d..."
"I had appointed Pete here to run the counter intelligence investigation, but the day Kanye West took office, Vice President Emilrose told us that we were dismissed and that the investigation was over. And it gets worse: my mole in the FBI has reported to me that the administration has started an intelligence sharing program with Russia and has initiated a Russian national named Mikhail into the bureau."
Thett was absolutely stunned. "Are you telling me that President West is a Russian intelligence asset?"
"Actually, no. The public isn't aware, but outside of his public appearances Kanye doesn't reside in Washington at all. Emilrose runs the administration. He has spent his entire presidency sequestered in Camp David doing...something. No one is sure what. We believe that he could still be reached, but all of our attempts to establish contact have failed."
The entire room was silent for a solid minute before Lisa Page spoke up.
"Thett, there is something else you need to know. The administration has appointed a special counsel to investigate you, and they have already convinced a Grand Jury to hand down a number of sealed indictments. As of this moment, you are effectively a fugitive from the law. And also..." She hesitated and gave YYW a very sympathetic look. "Also...their star witness is your former first mate, Bsh1."
The color absolutely drained from YYW's face. What ensued was a three minute screaming match where YYW demanded the address to Bsh's safe house, which Mueller absolutely refused to give. When the argument was over, a red faced YYW slammed Strzok to the ground and made to leave the house.
"YY, stop!" Thett called out. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going rat hunting."
--------------------------
The team attempted to chase down YYW, but within moments he had vanished into the night. Defeated, they returned to the war room. After a long silence, Mueller spoke.
"Thett, I am going to get down to brass tacks here. I took an oath to defend this country from all enemies, foreign and domestic. I take that oath seriously. I am in contact with hundreds of current and former members of the intelligence community and more and more are coming around to our way of thinking. We are going to make every effort to contact President West and convince him to stop this covert foreign takeover, but if the absolute worst comes to pass we may have to...intervene."
"I fully understand."
"We are going to need some kind of popular leader to take the reins in the interim. Someone well known by the public, and universally respected, who could serve as an appointed President before a special election could take place."
"I agree. But who fits the bill?"
"Well we were thinking maybe...you."
TO BE CONTINUED
