the universe should last for trillions of years is my point.
That's got nothing to do with it.
Why would how long the universe would last (before heat death I presume) affect how many technical civilizations that develop?
On the timescales we've observed for the development of life, intelligence, and technology it would be an unfathomable coincidence if the technological explosion on two different worlds within 100 light years of each other occurred within 100,000 years of each other.
If you're saying "The universe is young so we shouldn't expect contact for billions of years yet" that's the same as saying "we're first, cool", but that would be quite a coincidence wouldn't it?
Somebody has to be first, but that's not a likely assumption compared to the other solutions to the paradox.
plus if life developed somewhere, we cant necessarily know.
That was the assumption before this was explored at the time the paradox was introduced. The reason that seemed to be a safe assumption was because it was hard to imagine that computer technology would be as powerful and accessible as it has turned out to be.
As of this moment it is obvious that self-replicating probes are plausible. That changed the significance of distance. A million year journey is unrealistic for biological travelers (or machines that can't fix themselves), a signal traveling a hundred thousand light-years doesn't make any sense; but a system of probes designed to contact all life in the galaxy shouldn't take more than a million years to do it.
If no one else has done it, we'll do it in the next 100,000 years; which is (again) on geological and stellar timescales a blink of an eye.
we can't even see planets in other galaxies, i dont think.
We can't see individual stars in other galaxies *unless they're exploding or something*
We can't see planets of our nearest neighbors in the conventional sense. Everything we know about exo-planets has been impressive deduction from the slightest wobbles and the faintest rays of light.
Again, that's the outdated model of contact "Alien sees us, alien sends radio signal" That's easy to explain away. The contact strategy that is not easy is this: "Alien doesn't see life, decides to tell the entire galaxy about themselves even if it takes a million years."
thirteen billion years is enough time for life to form, but we shouldn't assume it's adequate that there 'must' be other life forms out there
It's never a "must", it just requires that Earth be incredibly exceptional in ways many people find uncomfortable.
Exceptional in developing technical civilization the fastest. Exceptional in developing life at all. That sort of thing.